As I read my bible in Starbucks today, a passage in Isaiah jumped out at me. But first, let me set the scene. To my right, a muslim couple was meeting with their divorce lawyers. To my left, a “Christian” woman could be heard loudly cutting down anyone and everyone, while simultaneously sharing scripture and God’s name. I was reminded of the scripture that says a fountain cannot produce both bitter water and sweet. Also, James 3:9 says “With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God's likeness.” The woman’s volume and boldness shocked me, but God used her to show me my own indiscretions. The scripture in Isaiah that brought conviction to my heart was 33:15 and 19 - 15 “He who walks righteously and speaks uprightly…” 19 “He will dwell on high.” I had to ask myself, “Am I walking righteously and speaking uprightly? Or am I being a hypocrite?”
The last month has been marked with triumphs and failures at walking righteously and speaking uprightly on my part, but an unfailing and persistent love on God’s part. I have listened for God’s wisdom and kept a keen eye open for His acts of mercy.
I used to own a marvelous home in Orlando, Florida. That home served as a refuge for men and women seeking to leave homosexuality and turn their lives back to Jesus. It served as a place of connection between the lost and God Almighty. I housed both friend and foe. I received divine healing and mental breakthrough in that little house on Gifford Blvd. God was glorified in that house.
So, if that house was so amazing, why did I sell it a year ago? The first and best reason, was that God told me to. At the time that God began to utter the faint whispers of “sell your house”, I wasn’t ready. That house was the result of God’s blessing in my life. It was where I began Big Fish Ministry, where I celebrated many triumphs and defeats; and the birthplace of such grand memories that they outweighed the burden of years of struggle. Over the 10 years I lived in that house, I made every effort to walk righteously and speak uprightly, while helping other men do the same.
I knew I had to let go of the house when God began chatting to me one day. I was experiencing a slump in ministry participants. I was wearing exhaustion around like a heavy, winter coat in the middle of summer. One day, on my drive home, God began to speak, “What if it isn’t about a huge ministry? What if it isn’t about what you can DO for me? What if this life is just about My relationship with you and your relationship with Me?” I remember thinking, well that is what this life is about God. In that moment, I felt like the Lord simply said, “Bingo!”
After that particular conversation with the Lord I just sat in my car for a moment as it was parked near the curb in front of my house. I had been serving the Lord for so many years at this point, but I had suddenly realized that I was focused on doing for the Lord, rather than being with the Lord. He was right. I was distracted with works and my faith was suffering. Nothing is more important in this life than serving the Lord, accepting Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior and consistently surrendering to the Lord each and every morning you awake.
When I first walked away from my homosexual life in 1998, I slowly kindled a fire for God that could be seen and sensed from miles away. I did so by ridding my life of porn, bad influences, alcohol and any aspect of my old life that didn’t honor God. A few months into my recovery, I remember meeting up with a guy with whom I’d previously hooked up. At one point He told me there was something different about me. He was implying that I had changed. That was in fact, not the same person I had once been. I had not shared anything with him about surrendering my life to Jesus and leaving homosexuality. He didn’t hear about my heart and life change from me. He saw it from the Holy Spirit that was active in my life. I wouldn’t began speaking the phrase, “Change is possible” until many years later, but on that day the statement took root in my soul.
I see Jesus doing the great work of leading men and women out of their LGBT lives and into the arms of God the Father. Everywhere I look I see evidence that change is possible, even as former leaders of our Ex-gay ministries succumb to the call of sexual sin. Everywhere I see the statement “Change is possible” being lived out in the hearts and lives of former homosexuals, lesbian and transgender people. If you are a parent with a child trapped in the LGBT world, Jesus wants to give you hope. If you are someone trapped in the LGBT world and are looking for a way out, there is hope for you as well. Jesus gave His life so that we could live our life free from the grip and destructive ways of sin. Change is definitely possible. Follow God’s call to walk righteously and speak uprightly. 21 years ago I called on Jesus. He rescued me from the slow death of my gay life. You, too, can call out to Jesus today.