So...I am moving to Alabama; I know people.
Let's just see who falls for that clickbait. My assistant thought that would be a funny way to start a post. No, I am not moving to Alabama, but I'm tempted. Over the past week I have enjoyed the beauty of Alabama and the hospitality of the locals. It's nice to be known by good people and to know them. I have also pondered the idea of community before and after Covid. The way we cultivate community may have changed, but our need for connection remains the same.
What is good community? It doesn't just mean the hunans living in close proximity to our “house”. I think community is a lifeline-style connection to people that genuinely care for each other. At least that is what I need it to be. Christian community adds the element of prayer. Good community means being able to talk to a pastor, face to face, share your story and not produce that confused, dog, bobble-head look. Nothing makes me shut down quicker than a pastor who is waiting for the end of the sentence to correct you or add to your load, rather than congratulate you for being light years beyond bars, booze and boyfriends.
Today I got 3 precious hours with a pastor in Alabama. He, asked me questions. He affirmed my walk, rather than doubled my load. He showed me around his church campus. He bought me breakfast. He introduced me to people he knows. Best of all, he knows me. I know him. I know that I know, that he loves me. In fact, he loves me better and more intimately than any gay man I ever dated. That type of love y’all...
For other men and I with Same Sex Attraction, Covid quarantine has denied us key aspects of community with church men we need: connection, conversation, hugs and eye contact. If you are a church man and any of that makes you squeamish, this isn’t for you. People may take the actions above for granted, but these simple acts help to mend our wounds and heal the scars of our past. Healing from Same Sex Attraction isn't an emergency room visit. Guys like me need daily time with God the Father, which is our responsibility and we also benefit from deep, connective, long-lasting community with Christian men. This connection helps us to stop believing the lies of the enemy and the gay identity we left behind.
Finding legitimate, healthy relationships with Christian men in the church, who aren't afraid of our stories, and aren't afraid to hug us, keeps us connected and prevents us from pursuing the sinful, illegitimate connections of our past. For many of us God has called out of homosexuality and into your churches. Sometimes the lack of connection there leaves us feeling orphaned and abandoned. We may have been sinners, but we know what good community looks like. Church community can fall short. Because of the nature of other people's busy lives, as single, “older” men in the church we get about 10-20% of our emotional needs met by church men. Church women would connect with us all day long, because we are good listeners, but we need connections with men that we lacked from our fathers, siblings and peers.
Let me translate. Tending our Emotional needs is like Football Season to many of you. (Grunt Grunt Pigskin Touchdown). JK, sorta. With the onset of Covid, the little connection we had with church men, has been reduced from a trickle to a drip. We don't need the floodgates to open, but would a few drops of rain kill ya?
Doing community well is something the church could learn from the gay community. And with that 20 old ladies in a Fundamentalist, Mount Zion, Baptist, Macadamian, Jubilation Congregation just clutched their pearls and their hankies simultaneously.
In short, we need each other. And, yes, some of us are more EGR than others, but you guys are far from perfect. We don’t need perfection, we need connection. Chances are that we could learn from each other. Let's begin building the foundation now, for the gay men that will eventually awaken to the call of God on their lives and transition from their community to ours.