Those dang Mayans are gonna cheat me out of my 14 year anniversary. It was 14 years ago this December 22, that I began my journey out of homosexuality. And since the world is going to end on the 21st, I guess I will have to celebrate now. 14 years. That is exactly 4 years longer than I was in the gay life. It was only Jesus Christ that led me out. The prayers of a father calling out to God to save me from the life I was leading helped. God restored my life. God is restoring my life. Many see me as still gay. Some say I am in denial. Others cry "Hate". Cool. Cool. These are the only statements that matter. 2 Corinthians 5:21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God. (I am the righteousness of God in Christ.) And 2 Corinthians 5:17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come! (I am a new creation. The old broken, sexual identity has gone. The new, amazing, divine, original plan for redemption has come.) Leaving a life I thoroughly enjoyed day after day for ten years was extremely difficult. I lost a lot of gay friends. The tolerance gospel some of them preached turns out to be a one way street. Statements like “be true to yourself” only apply when you embrace a gay identity, not when guys like me decide to embrace an identity in Christ.
I am indebted to Jesus Christ for the life I lead. I would say I love Him with all my heart, but to be honest, if I loved him with all my heart, my life would be significantly different. I will say this. I am learning to love him more every day. He’s too intense and immense. I know there are gay men and women out there who love Jesus with all their heart, too. I know some of them. Some have decided to leave homosexuality behind and take those first, trepidatious steps out of the “Christian” closet. While others are embracing a walk into gay Christianity. I tried that path. The Holy Spirit challenged me to fully surrender every area of my heart and life to Christ. Homosexuality is still a sin. Hybridizing a path of broken sexuality and Christianity is akin to mixing oil and water. I should know. I gave it my best effort, but when we give the enemy a foothold in our lives, he’ll take a lot more of our heart with him.
The most important thing my brothers and sisters if you have wandered onto my blog is that Jesus Christ loves you. He does. He died because of that love for you. His primary concern isn’t whether or not you are gay. His primary concern is that you start a relationship with Him today. Lay aside all your past hurts and experiences with churches or Christians who hurt you and receive Jesus as your Lord and savior today. Rekindle the flame you and He once had. God hears your prayers brothers and sisters. He has always heard them. He counts every tear. He longs to close the gap you feel has widened between you. Though homosexuality is a sin according to the word of God, God loves you in spite of your sin. God loves you. Let that sink in. Pursue Christ in spite of the people who have hurt you. Let the ministry of Jesus happen for you tonight.
My prayer to Christ was simple when I decided to surrender my life to God. “Jesus I have tried for ten years to make this life work. I can’t do it. I am handing the reigns of my life over to you. You make it work, because I can't.“ After that prayer I lived minute by minute, day by day in order to bring it to fruition. But also after that prayer I went into the longest, deepest, darkest pornography binge I had ever embarked on. Two months later, I emerged drained and exhausted. It was then that God asked me if I was ready to truly begin my walk. This began the journey of a lifetime. You’ll find yourself surrendering to something in this life my friend: either the world’s viewpoint or the will of God. The latter has proved so much more rewarding for me.
God has given me many scriptures over the last 14 years. Here are a few he used to spur me on to greatness.
A call to face adversity Joshua 1:7 Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. 8 Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. 9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.
A call to preach the truth Jeremiah1:17 Get yourself ready! Stand up and say to them whatever I command you. Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. 18 Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land—against the kings of Judah, its officials, its priests and the people of the land.
A call to pray for the lost men and women of the gay community 1 Kings 3:8 Your servant is here among the people you have chosen, a great people, too numerous to count or number. 9 So give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"
God has a plan for us all. Are you living in pursuit of that plan? Or are you living day to day, searching to find meaning in your life? Jesus Christ is waiting. Let the tears flow. Let the words come out. Surrender and began your own journey of freedom.