Head Full of Squirrels
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Balance is definitely one thing that I am severely in need of learning. For the most part Jesus has my full attention, but every once in a while I wake up with a whole headful of “mental squirrels”. Our goal this year as a ministry of men pursuing God’s will for our lives and our sexuality has been to read the word of God every day with no excuse. We follow the reading plan at www.lifejournal.cc. A pastor out in Hawaii brought this to the world and it simply works for us. We are not trying to get on God’s brownie points list, but there are things we have always done daily that are far less edifying than reading God’s word. So we decided to put God as our first thing in the morning and see where that would take us. What we discovered was that, very different than the butterfly tramp stamp some of you are still carting around, we, had no regrets.
I rededicated my heart and life to Jesus in December of 1998. I was fresh out of the New Orleans gay, party scene and ready to let go of 10 years of my “fabulous” gay life. Let’s just say that God had a lot of cleaning up to do. 1999 was a year of being inundate with all things God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit. I read my bible, listened to radio preachers and Christian music whenever I got the chance. I had a prayer life that was non stop.
At the beginning of 2000 I was still on fire for God. I even shared Jesus with the Sea World Animal Training Management interviewing me for my position. At some point though, I thought it was okay to read my bible less and simply get my spiritual “meals” on Sunday. I adhered to that belief for many years. I was still a Christian. I still attended church. But my heart and soul were on “cruise control” and I can’t say that there was a lot of difference between myself and someone just starting their journey with Jesus Christ.
Now this is not a blog to shame any Christian who doesn’t read their bible daily. I just want to share my life before and after my friend Kathy and I made a life changing decision.
It was about 5-6 years ago. I was a leader in our church’s youth ministry. My friend Kathy was also leading with me. At the end of the year, our pastor found the bible reading plan listed above and presented it to our congregation. My friend Kathy, ever bold as she is, came to me and said “if we are going to call ourselves Christians, we need to stop dinking around and begin reading our bibles.” That was really all that I needed. I needed someone to encourage me to begin reading. I needed a scolding. I needed a reality check. You are not a driver, unless you drive a car. You are not a trainer, unless you train. And I couldn’t keep calling myself a Christian, if I didn’t study the Word of God.
I wasn’t perfect with my reading at first. There were days that I missed and fell to self-condemnation and extreme condemnation from satan. I would start again the next morning. All was right with the world. The best part to me was that reading the bible from Genesis gave it a storybook quality that brought the characters and God’s plan for them and me to life. I worked to give myself a little more grace when I missed a day, but I also tried to be more diligent in my pursuit of my time with God.
The main thing that was revealed to me, as if God himself had peeled back a curtain in my mind, was God’s overwhelming grace. Grace that had been extended to me all those years that I was calling myself a Christian, but starving my spirit man with little or no food. When I began to read the bible daily, I saw how much grace God had had to extend to me on the days when I refused to connect with Him. Jesus Christ had set me free from homosexuality, which the world’s says can’t be done, which means that I am a walking miracle and there were days that I didn’t even acknowledge his existence. God didn’t beat me down because I had neglected to read his word. He did allow me to see how much growth I had missed out on, because I refused to slow down the life He gave me long enough to invite Him to enjoy it with me; long enough to let Him guide me through it’s operation.
Recently, the guys of Big Fish Ministry and I have started praying throughout the week for 30 minutes a day. We don’t make it every day, but we are working on it. Once again, my great big Papa in the sky has shared new revelations. This next level of connection renews and refreshes my spirit man. I was embarrassed to call myself a Christian the way I was living before. There was no difference. Now there is.
I write to you my friends and enemies, to simply say this. I am just a man. My story of being an ex gay man may infuriate you or they may excite you. I only know this. If you call yourself a Christian, make a connection with your namesake today. It is never, too, late to connect with Jesus. God is extending grace, until you extend your hands in prayer. God has written a story of many men and women who have gone before you and messed it up as royally as you. satan has no new tricks for mankind. They only seem new when viewed through the lens of your brokenness.
As a broken, rebellious man who is learning to be humble, real and honest before God, let me encourage you to begin reading the Word of God today. It has the power to lift you out of that depression. The Word of God has the power to mend your broken heart. God is waiting to hear from you. Let the last leg of your journey end at the Cross of Jesus Christ. God bless!
Gospel of the Influentials
As I hung up the phone, I got that familiar sinking feeling in my gut. The young man on the other end of the line had shared his homosexual struggle and the desire to simply embrace those desires and “be happy”. He was calling to, in his words “pick my brain”. Recent news concerning gay marriage, the closing of Exodus, confusing rhetoric on being gay and Christian and the pope’s confusing declaration concerning the gay community and gay priests had generated much confusion.
As the gay community celebrates victory after victory, those of us who walked away from homosexuality are not only under fire by gay right’s advocates, but are also caught in the crosshairs of the church as well. Post conversation with this kid I was awash with frustration yet a sense of peace. These perceived victories have sent shockwaves through what was already an unstable community of believers. Believers trapped in a “Bermuda Triangle” of their unwanted same sex attractions, their love of Jesus and a world that has discarded the truth of God’s words in favor of following The Gospel According to the Influentials; men and women of power and charisma using their influence to coerce the church into reconsidering it’s biblical stance on homosexuality.
Paul writes about a perverted gospel in Galatians 1:6-8. 6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse!”
Paul was addressing the Galatians act of switching from a faith-based walk to one based on works. Yet this passage parallels the modern day war being waged against biblical truth by the gay agenda. The scriptures “turning to a different gospel”, “some people are throwing you into confusion” and “trying to pervert the gospel” are reminiscent of the tactics being used against churches and Christians who stand up for biblical truth about homosexuality.
Paul goes on to say in verse 8 that “even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse!” This was so important that Paul restated his point in verse 9. Paul knew that satan would come against God’s truth in an effort to pervert the gospel. I shared this same concept with my young friend concerning his sexual struggle. We must live according to the truth of God’s word concerning our same sex attractions and not the emotionally based, spiritual-esque opinions of influential “political” leaders.
No doubt the pope is a very influential person, but he’s still a click or two below the angels. Paul says that if “anyone” preaches a different gospel other than the one that has been preached, that there are consequences for that deception. In regards to the church and homosexuality my friends, I represent to you that a different gospel is being preached. Confusion is run amuck in the minds of young men stuck between gay and Christian; a false gospel is being preached by some very influential HUMANS.
I also shared my perspective with my friend on being gay and “Christian”. Jesus says this in Luke 9:23, “Then he said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.’ ” Luke 6:46 “But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say?” Jesus Christ is not one aspect of our lives. If we are Christians, Jesus Christ is Lord of our life. He won’t share His our heart with the sin in our lives. It doesn’t matter whom the next influential person to stand up and share their opinion is. As Christians we must measure everything against the absolute truth of the Bible. Any word contrary to scripture is to be ignored, not exalted.
There has been no greater time in the history of the church that the following scripture has resonated with truth and clarity as now. 2 Timothy 4:3 “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” We are living in a time, where man’s desires and worldly opinion are being given greater deference from the “Christian” pulpit than the Word of God.
I share these truths as a man who: surrendered his sexuality to God and whose heart beats with compassion for those trapped by their same sex attractions. I adhere to 1 Corinthians 6:10, which says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
For the "gay kids" out there struggling to resolve the conflict of your sexuality and your Christianity, there is hope for freedom. 1 Corinthians 6:8-11 “…Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men…will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Jesus Christ mercifully delivered me out of a life He never chose for me, but through the deception of the enemy, I chose for myself. I still believe that we “…can do all things through Christ who strengthens…” us. That includes living a life controlled by Jesus and not by our same sex attractions.