Matthew Aaron 4/19/13 Matthew Aaron 4/19/13

Hier ist mein Zeugnis

Ich war gerade 14 Jahre alt als meine Eltern mich zu einem Vergnügungspark nach Florida mitnahmen. Ich verliebte mich in die Delphine, aber es waren da auch noch andere Tiere, die mich faszinierten. Ich wusste augenblicklich was für einen Beruf ich erlernen werde, wenn ich gross bin. Ich wollte Dompteur werden. Es dauerte lange um meinen Traum zu verwirklichen. Schliesslich brauchten die Kinder Israels auch 40 Jahre um aus der Wüste zu kommen.

Jesus befreite mich aus einer 10 Jahre dauernden Phase von Trauer, Schuld und Scham. Dennoch zu hören, dass Jesus vom Himmel herabkam um mich von ewiger Verdammnis und den feurigen Abgründen der Hölle zu erretten, war des Guten zu viel. Die Rolle meines Lebens ist gut beschrieben wenn ich sage, dass ER stets der Wiederhersteller meines gebrochenen Herzens war. Er war es auch, der mich an den vielen Samstag Abenden nie alleine liess. Für jede Träne die bei mir floss, Tausend Tränen er vergoss. Er kennt mein Herz besser als sonst jemand.

Na, was war denn alles so schlecht? Ein paar wenige, schlecht plazierte Emotionen, die in meine Gedankenwelt katapultiert wurden. Von 18 bis 27 lebte ich als schwuler Mann. Das College war für mich der Katalysator für mein sündiges Leben. Ich hatte mein erstes homosexuelles Erlebnis während dem Frühlingssemester 1990. Ich lebte noch zu Hause und wurde gezwungen zur Kirche zu gehen, wann immer deren Türen offen waren. Das College gab mir die Freiheit, nicht zur Kirche gehen zu müssen. Als ich am College zu studieren begann, schrieb ich meinen Eltern einen Brief wie es mir im College so ginge. Ich wusste, dass mein Vater immer für mich betete.

Die High School war mühsam und ich war isoliert. Ich hatte nur wenige echte Freunde. Ich war der Schwachkopf der Klasse. Ich war nicht der männlichste Junge in der Schule und wurde deswegen auch gehänselt. Das nährte auch Gerüchte über meiner Person. Schon in der 7. Klasse hatte ich einen zweifelhaften Ruf. Ich wurde als Schwul, komischer Kauz und als Weichei bezeichnet. Andere "bestätigende“ Übernamen kamen noch dazu. Furcht und Hass wurden meine neuen und besten Freunde. Diese verbalen Rufschädigungen verwurzelten sich stark in meine Gedanken. Ich begann zu glauben, dass meine Gleichaltrigen recht hatten. Mein Programm nach der Schule war verschiedene Bars abzuklopfen und von Gott rannte ich weg. Ich hoffte, dass Jesus mich vergessen würde und mich mein Leben leben liess. Mein Leben hinein in die Homosexualität begann ganz unschuldig mit Einsamkeit, Wut und einem tiefen Selbstwertgefühl. In vier Jahren zog ich fünf Mal um. Ein Umzug brachte mich in ein Haus, wo ich Hilfe in Anspruch nehmen konnte. Ich dachte, wenn ich umgeben bin von Männern, wird mich das wieder herrichten. Ich war verzweifelt und suchte nach Antworten und war auch bereit alles zu glauben. Nachdem dieses Jahr der Brüderlichkeit fehlgeschlagen war, gab ich alles auf. Ich betete ohne Unterlass, dass Jesus meine Homosexualität wegnehmen würde. Er tat es aber nie. Betete ich also die falschen Gebete? Hörte mir Gott überhaupt zu? Ein anderes Problem war, dass ich mit meinen Zweifeln und Fragen zu Jesus ging, jedoch nicht mit einem offenen Herzen.

Innerhalb von 5 Jahren zog ich durch drei US-Bundesstaaten. Ich fühlte, dass ich meinem Traum näher kam. Ich verschuldete mich und lief weiter weg vom Plan Jesu für mein Leben. Ein paar wenige, kleine, falsch geleitete Schritte wurden zu einem sündhaften Lebensstil, der bei mir rasch ausser Kontrolle geriet. Ich investierte mich physisch und emotionell stark in jeden Mann, den ich traf. Ich suchte verzweifelt nach Liebe und Annahme. Sex schien nur ein Spielzeug der Beziehung zu sein, die ich suchte. Jedes Treffen füllte mich noch mehr mit tiefer Leere. Während dieser Zeit hörte mein Vater nie auf für mich zu beten. Die Bibel sagt, dass am Ende die Menschen, Liebhaber der Freuden werden, anstatt Liebhaber Gottes. Mein Vater sagte mir stets, dass Trennung von Gott ähnlich ist, wie wenn du in einer Menschenmenge bist, dich aber total alleine fühlst. Ein Gedicht, das ich selber schrieb, illustriert es bestens. Völlige Paranoia herrschte in mir. Ich war noch nie so einsam. Der Mensch ist geschaffen um mit Gott zu kommunizieren. Es war nie seine Absicht, den Menschen in der Einsamkeit versinken zu lassen. Als Jesus meine Homosexualität nicht wegnahm, dachte ich, ich müsste so leben. Weil die Bibel aber sagt, dass Homosexualität falsch ist, ist es nicht möglich, dass Homosexualität und Christentum in meinem Leben koexistieren können. Wie auch immer, ich sagte Gott, dass ich als schwuler Mann leben werde, was auch immer passieren möge. Ich traf mich anschliessend mit einem Mann, den ich im Internet kennen gelernt habe. Er rauchte und ich wurde von ihm verbal schwer beleidigt. Das war kein Volltreffer, aber ich wollte Gott etwas beweisen. Als ich sah, dass meine eigene Sicherheit in Gefahr war, brach ich die Beziehung ab. Das war der Anfang vom Ende. Der letzte Mann mit dem ich zusammen war, war ein echter Kumpel. Er war ein Mann, mit dem ich wirklich „herumhängen“ konnte. Er wollte keinen Sex und er rauchte nicht. Und zwei Wochen nachdem wir uns trafen, wollte er mich schon nicht mehr. Wenige Monate später entschied ich diesen Lebensstil zu verlassen und zu Gott zurückzukehren.

Diesmal war mein Gebet einfach und aufrichtig. Ich betete: „Herr, ich habe während 10 Jahren versucht diesen Lebensstil zu pflegen. Ich kann nicht mehr. Es ist nun Zeit, dass du schaust, was du machen kannst. Hier übergebe ich dir alles.“ Es war keine Forderung an Gott, sondern ein Hilfeschrei.

Am 20. Dezember 1998 übergab ich Gott die Herrschaft in meinem Leben. Ich belud mein Auto und liess Mississippi und die Homosexualität hinter mir. Ich bewegte mich auf Gott zu, schleppte aber meine Beine noch hinter mir her. Der Geist war willig, aber das Fleisch war schwach (Matthäus 5,6). Ich brauchte Zeit um im Glauben zu wachsen und auf Gottes Stimme zu hören. Ich schrieb meinen Freunden einen Brief über meine Reise aus der Homosexualität. Schwule Freunde denunzierten mich, christliche Freunde freuten sich und der Rest war verwirrt „Ist es möglich aufzuhören schwul zu sein?“

Jesus vollbrachte ein paar wunderbare Segnungen in meinem Leben. Drei Tage nach meiner Rückkehr nach Oklahoma im Januar 1999, arbeitete ich zusammen mit meinem Vater. Durch diese Zusammenarbeit mit ihm war ich in der Lage eine Beziehung aufzubauen, die mich als Christ und als Mann stärkte und bestätigte. Der Herr war so gegenwärtig in meinem Leben. Er sandte mir einen Schwimmlehrer, er schenkte mir einen Traumjob, womit ich in der Lage war meine Schulden von über 10'000 US$ zurückzuzahlen. Gott begann das Fundament meiner Träume zu bauen. In kürze stellte Jesus mein Leben wieder her. Ich suchte während 10 Jahren Freude und Erfolg in der Welt - umsonst. In weniger als einem Jahr, krempelte der Herr mein Leben um. Es war nicht immer einfach, aber nur der Gehorsam brachte mich zu den Antworten Gottes für mein Herz.

Gott hätte diesen Weg für mich nie ausgewählt. Wie auch immer, Er hat meine Vergangenheit zu seiner Ehre gebraucht. Eines meiner Ziele in meinem Leben ist es, allen homosexuell Betroffenen den Weg aus der Finsternis heraus aufzuzeigen. Ich nannte die Homosexualität einmal den „Cadillac der Sünde“, perfekt in jeder Beziehung. Sie nistet sich sehr früh und bequem ins Leben einer Person ein. Es scheint natürlich, dass wir glauben sie sei genetisch bedingt. Während andere junge Menschen mit dem anderen Geschlecht ihre ersten Erfahrungen machen, beginnt der gleichgeschlechtlich Empfindende sich anders zu fühlen. Da beginnt auch die Isolation. Stellen sie sich einmal vor, in welchem Kampf sich ein Teenager mit seiner Identität befindet. Dazu kommt noch der Faktor einer allfälligen Auseinandersetzung mit homosexuellen Tendenzen. Oft kommen noch Selbstgerechte, die von Verdammnis, anstatt von Heil sprechen und dazu die Angst vor Ablehnung noch schüren.

Nun praktiziere ich das Zölibat seit 1998. Ich habe nach wie vor das Potential in mir zu straucheln. Der Feind geht weiter herum wie ein brüllender Löwe und sucht das nächste Opfer, das er verschlingen kann. Mein tägliches Gehen mit Jesus und meine Zeit, verwurzelt in seinem Wort halten mich auf dem Boden der Realität. Diese Botschaft erscheint einigen vielleicht als Abriss der Intoleranz und der Ignoranz. Für diejenigen die kämpfen, ist es aber eine Botschaft der Hoffnung. Ich habe eine 10-jährige Insiderkarriere als schwuler Mann hinter mir und ich werde die Botschaft von Gottes heilender Kraft weiter kundtun.

Ich habe Gott schon viele Fragen gestellt. Menschen versuchen immer wieder sich auf die Stufe von Gott hochzuheben. Warum erachten wir uns als eine so fortgeschrittene Spezies? Wir brauchen Maschinen um zu fliegen, die Vögel haben Flügel. Wir brauchen Sauerstoffflaschen um zu tauchen, Fische haben Kiemen. Wir benötigen fremde Hilfe um vieles in unseren Leben vollenden zu können. Warum verdrängen wir das Bedürfnis, dass eine Quelle von aussen unsere geistlichen Bedürfnisse stillen muss. Die Tatsache, dass ich mich auf Jesus verlasse und, dass er die Quelle meiner Kraft ist, ist kein Zeichen der Schwäche, sondern macht mich reich. Meinen Glauben wird so gestärkt und ich kann an all seinen Segnungen teilhaben. Was wäre passiert, hätte ich den schwulen Lebensstil „verhindern wollen“ und hätte mich Gott früher ausgeliefert? Ich hätte meine Träume sicherlich früher realisiert. Ich müsste sicherlich nicht die 10-jährigen Erfahrungen aufarbeiten. Der Herr erneuert meine Gedanken täglich, aber der Feind benutzt meine Erinnerungen um mich von Zeit zu Zeit zu bremsen. Tierdompteure haben ein Trainingskonzept, wo sich das Verhalten der Tiere ändert. Ich muss zugeben, dass all die Clubs, die Aufmerksamkeit und all die Kraft aus der Szene mich oft beflügelten. Eines der härtesten Dinge die es gibt, ist es ein Tier so zu trainieren, dass es sich anders verhält als es sich von Natur aus verhalten sollte. Es ist machbar, aber die ganzen Änderungsprozesse sind mit einem grossen Kraftakt verbunden. Ich kann mir nur schwer vorstellen, nun einen 20 oder 30-jährigen Prozess der Veränderung vor mir zu haben. Ich stand dort, wo Teenager stehen, wenn sie mit homosexuellen Neigungen kämpfen. Ich kann aber vertrauensvoll sagen, dass je früher ein homosexueller Lebensstil verlassen wird, je grösser die Chancen sind, sich zu verwirklichen. Da ich den Weg jung herausschaffte, ist es mir gelungen, die gebrochene Beziehung zu meinem Vater wiederherzustellen. Ich kenne Männer, die ihre Väter verloren haben, bevor sie an sich zu arbeiten begannen. Ich habe die Gabe der Jugend noch und ich kann die Teenies noch erreichen, bevor sie die gleichen Fehler wie ich begehen. Der Herr stellt mich gerade in die beste Umgebung, wo ich helfen kann zwischen Väter und ihren Söhnen Brücken zu bauen.

Ich verdiene keine Ehrengoldmedaille für die 10 Jahre die ich in der schwulen Welt lebte. Gott würde es vorziehen, dass wir rein und heilig bleiben. Ich kann diese 10 Jahre, die ich verlor nicht ungeschehen machen. Wie auch immer, Gott kann das, was ich gelernt habe gebrauchen, um zu verhindern, dass andere auf die gleiche Strasse des Verderbens kommen. Ich mache mir grosse Sorgen für die nächste Generation von Menschen mit homosexuellen Neigungen. Viele Eltern haben vergessen, dass ihre Familie eigentlich erste Priorität hat und sie geben auch oft ihre ungelösten Fälle und Wunden ihren Kindern weiter. Kinder widerspiegeln oft die Wut, die Bitterkeit und der Stolz der Eltern. Das sind Emotionen, die zum eigenen Schutz gebraucht werden, um eine Wand aufzubauen zwischen ihnen und der Freiheit einer Beziehung mit Jesus Christus.

Matthew Aaron 4/18/13 Matthew Aaron 4/18/13

Rescue Mission

If Jesus showed up to have dinner with sinners today, New Orleans would definitely be on the menu. I did my fair share of sinning in that city. My first Nawlin’s, nightlife experience was after my 18 birthday. I was on vacation with my uncle and his partner. Bourbon Street to a hormonal, closeted 18-year old boy is like Vegas to a seedy, out of town businessman. We ate and shopped, a lot. One evening my uncle’s partner Joe decided to go out for a drink. I joined him. We went to an upstairs bar on Bourbon Street. Joe ordered his drink. I ordered a beer. Halfway through my beer, I noticed the racy video playing on the TVs overhead. It was my Adam and Eve moment as my eyes were opened. The video was a little more NC-17 than Hallmark Channel. I also noticed that the bar was filled with men that were extremely into one another. Panic was not my first reaction as I realized I was sitting in a gay bar. It was more like Turbo-ridiculous Adrenaline Rush.

Later we wandered to the first floor bar, where someone sent me another beer. Shocked, I asked Joe what to do. “Drink it”, he said. Around 11 pm Joe decided to call it a night. I stayed behind. Adam and Eve may have taken one bite of that Apple, but I spent the night in the Orchard. I met the guy who sent me the beer and invited him to my hotel room. I was 18. He was 29.

Why share any of this? Looking back on my life there were a lot of men who impacted my life negatively. There was Peter, James, Benny, Jamie, Tony, Robin, Joe, etc; an interminable parade of dysfunctional masculinity, littering 3 decades. Out of all those years, I had one older cousin who I felt safe around.

At home, my connection with the men in my life and my own sense of masculinity were under constant assault. My mom complained and badmouthed my father and my brother to me, breaching almost every boundary a mother can with a son. I grew up listening to a consistent, verbal barrage of all things male. My perception was that it wasn’t safe or acceptable to be a boy. I did my best to be as clean, neat and “unboy” like as possible. As a shy, sensitive boy growing up with strong, female influences, the world of men became a foreign place to me.

My father was always busy with my brother. My brother was always in trouble. My mom treated me as a surrogate husband. I was a boy in desperate need of men to lead, love, guide and affirm me. Every male interaction left me disillusioned. Men seemed harsh, angry and disinterested. I told myself I wasn’t like them. I was more comfortable around women. In the world of men I went unnoticed or teased and misunderstood. These early interactions planted further seeds in my mind that I was different than other guys and closer to the lie that I was “born gay”.

Everyone needs a place to belong. I grew up knowing that my uncle was gay, but he was interested in the things I was interested in. His interest in me had little to do with his sexuality. He knew what it felt like to be “different”. When I began to struggle in the confusion of my own broken sexuality, my uncle was the first man that I went to with questions. I didn’t feel safe talking about it with any other man in my life, save the family physician. Truly all I needed was one, Christian man who I could have confided in and felt safe around. A man to hear my story without passing judgment, who would love me as Christ loved me.

God has redeemed my sinful past in homosexuality and has shaped me into the man I always needed. The man that others are still in desperate need of. There are others out there like me. Are you one of them? My great hope is for Christian men to join me on this journey. There is a world of young men being led astray by their feelings and by a world that esteems “happiness” more highly than “righteousness”. My constant prayer is that God will bring good men into my life and the life of the guys I mentor. Before we ever stand in opposition to the gay community, we should first kneel before God and pray for their deliverance.

Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another”

Matthew Aaron 4/16/13 Matthew Aaron 4/16/13

Matthew never Matt

Oh Facebook. Bearer of News: good and bad. Officializer of relationships. Savior of the modern world. Keeping people from feeling less lonely as they isolate away from real, life community.

Who doesn’t get excited about friend requests? I received one yesterday from the brother of a guy I am mentoring. The guy and his brother are both gay. First I thought, “Thank you Jesus, he has seen the light. He is ready to talk about Jesus.” Then I opened up the first of his two messages. Was I ever wrong? I was reminded of the old footage of a very unsuspecting Anita Bryant on Youtube as she was hit in the face with a cream pie, thrown by a gay activist, during a television interview. I am sure that pie left a better taste in her mouth than what had just hit me square in the face.

The first thing he told me was how terrible his family had treated him. Then he accused me of aligning myself with them. He then bashed his sister, told me how much of a slut his brother was and then turned his attention to me. Joy! He had just begun to pick up steam. His exact words to me were, “Is this what fags do when they get to old and ugly to get anyone anymore…turn “straight”? To be honest, my first thought wasn’t hurt; it was that he had misspelled the word “too”. Always the consummate writer, I put aside my grammar rules and read on. Fortunately, his rage didn’t stop there and I got a bonus PS to the message. “PS. only FAGS go by their full names. RICHARD…MICHAEL…STEPHEN…MATTHEW…”

How about that? And I was just signing on to change my status for the night. Whew!! Can I tell you about the silver lining in the clouds of his message? I have only recently begun to embrace my middle name, which is Aaron. Aaron was a name I hated, because I associated it with all the pain I endured at the hand of bullies in high school. I have always preferred the name Matthew over the slang or abbreviated term of Matt. My full name Matthew Aaron means “Gift of God. A teacher, lofty, exalted, mountain of strength.” My name, my full name has meaning and power. It isn’t simply a cutesy moniker repeated to evoke a response. It is the very essence of God’s calling on my life that I aspire to live out every day.

My friend’s gay brother isn’t the enemy, but he was sure used by the enemy. He attacked me in every area I have celebrated victory in lately. My charitable foundation is called the Matthew Aaron Foundation. Satan attacked me at the core of my calling. And I don’t know a person out there who doesn’t struggle with self-esteem issues concerning their age or their looks. Thank God has helping me place more emphasis on the content of my heart, rather than the shell that it is house in. His attacks on such superficial things, reminded me of my days in the gay life, where I had to wear the right clothes, have the perfect hair and make sure I looked the part. In one fell swoop satan attacked my age, my looks and my testimony. If that surprises anyone…well…let’s just say it shouldn’t. That is what he does my friends.

I was a little shaken up, but when God revealed satan’s plan of attack I did two things. I prayed for my friend’s brother more. Then I set up a boundary so that further attacks could be prevented. I also let my friend’s brother know how I felt about his unprovoked attacks. I told him I thought it was kind of funny that it seemed perfectly acceptable for a gay person to call someone a FAG, yet if someone calls a gay person a FAG it’s considered hateful. I have mentioned it before, but it seems tolerance to the gay community is forever, a one-way street.

I didn’t expect the enemy to leave me alone. After all, in a few short weeks I am quitting my dream job to go into full time ministry helping men who struggle with unwanted same sex desires. I am going to be a target for the enemy. It seems that anyone who endeavors to speak the truth about sin these days, is abruptly ridiculed, labeled a hater and a bigot and told that God is only “love”. I don’t plan on changing the message of the bible anytime soon, so I guess this is something I am going to have to get used to. After all, Jesus himself said we would be persecuted just like he was persecuted. When he sent out his disciples, he told them these things. Matthew 10:8 “Heal the sick, cleanse the lepers, raise the dead, cast out demons. Freely you have received, freely give.” I share the message of my delivery from homosexuality, not to cast judgment on the world, but because I have received life from my Father. It is my calling and my honor to share that with all who will hear it and “listen”.

Matthew Aaron 4/13/13 Matthew Aaron 4/13/13

Christian Weapon of Mass Destruction?

My parents let me move back into their home, in December of 1998, when I decided to leave homosexuality behind and return to God. It was a move I contemplated for years. As my life spiraled downward, every conversation with my dad was saturated with loving invitations to return home. To move home was to admit failure. Pride and the whispers of the enemy kept me from surrendering. Eventually, I moved home. My father did everything in his power to support my decision. This was nothing new, my father had always supported and loved me, even though he disagreed with my gay life.

It was a difficult move I have ever made. I was giving up my gay life and my perceived "freedom". My flesh didn’t die a silent death. I was moving home to reconnect with Jesus, but on the drive home, I reconnected with Stephan, an old boyfriend. I was headed in the general direction of God, but I frequently stumbled. "Dear Christians" please listen. I made the decision to repent and turn to God and deny my flesh. The flesh rarely takes “NO” for an answer. There are gay men and women out there who want to walk away from homosexuality, but the high expectations of the Christian community, that they be perfect and never stumble again on the road to the cross, are stifling and unrealistic. The Cross of Christ has to be a place of refuge, not a Christian weapon of mass destruction.

Giving up my gay life wasn’t all that hard at first. I was so lost, I didn’t contemplate what I was giving up. Sex was always a wearisome cost of keeping men in my life. I grew up as the awkward little boy who never connected with his father, brother or same sex peers. God created all of us for relationship, though. I needed relationships with other men, but I didn’t know how to get them. I fell into homosexuality, because I found “acceptance” from other men who didn’t fit into the "Red-blooded American Male" category either. Other gay men were as much in need of relationship as I was. When I left homosexuality behind, it was the relationship and acceptance that I missed most, not the sex. When I first decided to walk away from gay, I wasn't running all out towards God, but the forward momentum of my gay life had slowed to a crawl.

The transition from gay to Christian was bridged by a two-month all out porn marathon. Somewhere in the middle Jesus asked me if this was why I had given up everything and then He asked for my heart. I gave it to Him one day at a time. One day became 14 years. A new life rose from the ashes of my old one. I always had a sense that homosexuality was wrong, but I never chose to be gay. It was a feeling that had been there since I was very young, as natural to me as the heartbeat in my chest. Years later, when God led me to examine my past, I could see the environmental and developmental factors that led a little boy, me, who was born sensitive, artistic and creative to believe that he was “born gay”.

Though the coming out process has become an integral step in the lives of gay men and women, I didn’t view my own coming out as a milestone. I viewed it as hopeless surrender to a powerful and invisible enemy. “Coming out” is a systematic denial of the history and events that shape a person’s homosexual desires. It culminates in a singular, jubilant proclamation where one's past is dismissed as a possible, causative agent of their broken sexuality. This action frees them to embrace the myth that they were “born gay” and dismisses biblical teaching about homosexuality as religious prejudice. I know this, because I was well versed in it.

Once on the road to recovery, I distanced myself from homosexual influences. I also distanced myself from zealous, Christian friends, who viewed my sin as a little worse than their own. Gay friends said, “shut up and dance”. Christian friends wanted me to “date women” and "pray more". I left them all behind in favor of getting alone with God. Call me sacrilegious, but my first “trinity” experience consisted of Jesus, myself and my dad.

I spent 1999 at home praying, reading the bible, paying off bills and listening to radio preachers. A loving, small-town preacher, named Phil Clements, taught me how to slowly ingest and devour the Word of God. My parent’s house was a place of refuge for me; a place where I could hide away from the world’s influence and listen for God’s voice.

Ten years after I began my own journey out of homosexuality, the Holy Spirit prompted me to open my new home to guys who wished to leave homosexuality behind. Big Fish Ministry was born. We are now entering our fifth year. In a few, short weeks I will be quitting my dream job of fifteen years as a Sea World as animal trainer to become a full time fisher of men.

The Holy Spirit gave me the following scriptures. Peter and John are going to the temple for prayer time in Acts 3:2. “Now a man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those going in to the temple courts. “ The man asked Peter and John for money. Acts 3:6 “Then Peter said, ‘Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have, I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.’ ”

Here is the cool part that applies to Big Fish Ministries. Acts 3:7-8 7 “Taking him by the right hand, [Peter] helped him up and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong. 8 He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping and praising God.”

Our ministry and my church fellowship stand as Peter and John taking homosexual strugglers by the hand and helping them “up”. We help guys find freedom from their “crippling conditions” and then we walk alongside them into “the temple courts.” We serve, worship and live life together. We equip them to go back to their own “lives” and share the hope of Jesus with others.

We have had victories and defeats. Setbacks simply shape the way we plan for the future. Men have encountered Jesus as a result of this ministry. Whether or not they choose to embrace it, we've helped them discover the truth. In today’s culture where all things gay are celebrated, our ministry is an affront to many people. The “Born Gay” agenda keeps people who want out of homosexuality sequestered and paints those of us who adhere to a biblical view on homosexuality as “Haters” and “Bigots”. As long as there are men that need rescuing, our testimonies will be shared and our doors will be open. And that’s What Jesus Did, for me.

Matthew Aaron 3/27/13 Matthew Aaron 3/27/13

Divine Design or Secular Opinion.

As I pondered the events of yesterday's equality debates, I remembered my personal history with the gay marriage debate. In 1995 I was planning a commitment ceremony of my own with my partner. Gay marriage at that point was a rarity. My father was the only voice of Christian reason at that point. He counseled me not to go through with the ceremony as it wasn't in God's plan for me. At that very moment and for subsequent years after, I hated my father and labelled him ignorant. I couldn't see his point of view. It didn't make sense to me, because I was immersed and literally encapsulated in my sin. Years later, I applaud my father for having the guts to represent Jesus to me, while everyone else represented "love" and acceptance, thus signing my spiritual death certificate. The scripture that comes to mind is "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." (Proverbs 27:5, 6 NIV)As I see the red equals sign of solidarity go up all over Facebook, I am shocked by some people and not surprised by others. It saddens me for many reasons. I understand the pull of homosexuality all too well. I understand how it can seem genetic, because we've been conditioned as young boys by a society tainted with gay ideals. They force the ideal that we are to identify those feelings of being different than other boys to mean we are gay. I believe gay men were born sensitive, artistic and creative and then environmental and developmental factors further alienated these boys to take on a gay identity. Proverbs describes the gay life and the belief that it is genetic best. "There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death." (Proverbs 14:12 NIV). First, I want to be like Jesus to my gay community. He identified all forms of sexual expression outside the union of a man and a woman as sin. Jesus offers forgiveness and deliverance of sin. Second I want to be like my dad, who in the face of losing my respect, told me the truth of God's word. I'm not someone who was casually gay. I'm not in denial. I'm not wracked with self hatred. I have been delivered from homosexuality and its many promises of "freedom". I know the truth now. I knew it all along. It just took me a while to act. I know that gay marriage is more of a gateway to bondage than a gateway to freedom and equality. I can't "love" my gay friends like the rest of the world, because I have experienced the pitfalls that kind of "freedom" brings. I believe in equality for all people, but I won't stand by preserving my popularity,while good people stumble into satan's trap. "The path of the righteous is like the morning sun, shining ever brighter till the full light of day. But the way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what makes them stumble. (Proverbs 4:18, 19 NIV). I have to stand before God and account for my action or inaction. You don't get in the water and console a drowning victim until they perish, so as not to offend them by saying they can't swim. You perform a rescue. There are people in the gay community in need of prayer and rescue, not mind boggling, sin enabling "love". And remember Christians, know your enemy. It's satan. Not the gay community.

Matthew Aaron 3/18/13 Matthew Aaron 3/18/13

Tolerance; a One Way Street

That’s it. I am going to stop clicking on news headlines with the word "gay" in it. There is never any balanced information. The elements of the story are always the same: Gay victim, Christian oppressors, love not hate, bigot, gay rights, blah, blah, blah. Where are the stories representing the truth of the opposing views? When I was younger, I was hard pressed to find any mention of the word on TV. Online wasn’t even a worry at that point. I think that kept me insulated and isolated from the hands of satan. But satan has his tentacles in every aspect of today's culture. You can't flip on the TV without every other sentence referencing some LGBT tragedy or triumph in some form or fashion.

I have a friend who was a gay activist for many years. As I have watched the climate of the gay agenda seek to crush anyone with a differing opinion, I began to formulate an idea of what they are up to. It would appear that they are no longer just fighting for equality, but cultural domination. When I posed this question to my friend, He confirmed it. The gay agenda is fighting to elevate their beliefs and ideals to the forefront of society. They are seeking to redefine marriage as well as monogamy. I read two different articles on how the gay community is redefining the word monogamy to monogamish and serial monogamy. The effort is seems is to establish a “new world religion”. When it comes to all things LGBT, tolerance is a one-way street.

Even more disconcerting is the indoctrination of younger and younger children into the belief that gay relationships are as acceptable and equivalent to heterosexual relationships. Instead of teaching kids the principles of God ordained marriage and allowing them to have a choice to choose between right and wrong, they are simply spoon fed LGBT biased information. Heterosexuality does not guarantee purity and harmony in relationship, but it is the only template that God set forth for marriage. “For this reason, a man will leave his mother and father and cling to his wife,” not his husband.

As I was reading this morning, I felt like the following four scriptures from my reading are to be the theme of our lives as men who once called the gay community home. If we claim to be Christians, pornography and masturbation are no longer to be our stress relief. Don’t reach for your penis when the going gets tough. Reach for the comfort of the Holy Spirit and your relationship with Jesus. (Galatians 4:9). This level of purity must extend to our heterosexual brothers as well. We need you guys in our lives, as models, friends and confidantes in the fight. Establishing a relationship with a guy who has never struggled with SSA can be extremely intimidating, but very healing if you press past the fear. Start praying today for God to bring Christian men into your lives. Remember, God must be your everything, before anyone else can be your anything.

Galatians 4:9 But now after you have known God, or rather are known by God, how is it that you turn again to the weak and beggarly elements, to which you desire again to be in bondage?

Galatians 5:16 I say then: Walk in the Spirit, and you shall not fulfill the lust of the flesh.

1 Corinthians 6:19 Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? 20 For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.2 Corinthians 7:1 Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

2 Corinthians 7:1 Therefore, having these promises, beloved, let us cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of the flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.

A prayer: Heavenly Father, I ask for your protection for the LGBT community. I ask that every scripture reference that any of them have ever heard would be used by the Holy Spirit to draw them back to your loving arms. I pray that the injustices that are heaped upon them would cease. I pray for an end to violence where it seems to be the answer. I also pray that they would turn from their wicked ways. I pray that you would lead them to the cross with the truth. Lord let Christians see that this is not a fight against the LGBT community. It is a fight against satan and all the forces of Hell. I pray for the salvation of many. I ask that you would protect young men from predatory older men. I pray that boys searching for a daddy would find a loving Father instead. Lead them, guide them, love them Lord. Rescue them in Jesus name.

Amen

Matthew Aaron 3/17/13 Matthew Aaron 3/17/13

Low Calorie Snack

Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus.

Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus.

my fear

Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus. Light of Jesus.

In the Light of Jesus, my fear seems inconsequential.

Matthew Aaron 3/15/13 Matthew Aaron 3/15/13

Cue the Carpenter

I grew up always feeling like the outsider. Sometimes I put myself there. Sometimes others put me there. Sometimes I would put myself there before others could put me there. Regardless, I always had the desire to be an insider. I was awkward, nerdy, smart and non sporty. I didn't fit into the world of men. My father and brother were in an emotionally dependent relationship that excluded me for decades. No matter how much I tried to enter the world of men, every entrance was blocked. It was painful and isolating. So I simply stopped trying to enter the arena where masculinity was forged and set up shop just outside. If they didn't want me, I didn't want them either. Or so I tried to convince myself.

When my father did eventually venture into my kingdom I had established a life without him. I considered his presence an interruption in the daily ebb and flow of my life. My resistance was met with his resistance and a lifetime struggle for dominance began. I moved the boundary lines of my kingdom further away to prevent further intrusion. Deep down I longed for a connection to other men. Men I hoped would never hurt me the way other men had.

My first straight friend in college was a pilot who had grown up without a father. We were the same age, but he was rough and tumbled and always grabbed life by the b...well he lived more dangerously than I did. His name was Shawn. Shawn gave me hope that there were men out there who would accept me. I flew all over Oklahoma with him. We planned to room together the next semester at OK state. Shawn didn’t return to school. I was devastated. I felt abandoned by another man. This was the first of many lessons I would learn. People will always come in and out of your life. You can’t control it. It is best just to flow with it. Change is the norm.

Year after year, the elusive straight guy relationship never materialized. I substituted gay relationships. I had to compromise my beliefs, but I still eeked out some connection with masculinity. God was forever working to show me that I had a place in the world of men. Some 10 years later, God used the last guy I dated to show me there was still hope for my desire to connect with men in the right way. The level of intimacy would obviously be different than what I was used to, but God has ordained a place for me in the world of men. It was my hope of being accepted by other men that had faded, not my desire.

Slowly but surely God used all kinds of guys to mold me and shape me into the man I am today. Over the past three days I helped my roommate, who happens to be a general contractor, build the inside of a McDonald's Restaurant. I went into the experience fearful about being the least knowledgeable of the four people on the job. God quickly packed in the experience. It was hard labor, but it was also healing to my masculine soul in so many ways. It was the simple camaraderie combined with the feeling of belonging in a man's world that made it worthwhile. This entire weekend was a billboard for Proverbs 27:17 "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another." At one point, one of the carpenters on the job gave me one of his carpentry pencils to mark the boards I was cutting. It was a simple gesture, but the heart of a rejected little boy rejoiced. It wasn’t the pencil I will cherish. It was the simple act of kindness that sparked hope and destroyed the lies of the enemy in my life.

Forever, I have pictured myself a bumbling fool around adult men. I feel like they know there is an impostor in their midst. Yet all my efforts this weekend can be summed up in the praise and encouragement I received from my roommate, my friend.

“I have faith in your ability and readiness to learn. You don’t give yourself enough credit.”

“You are amazing and you don’t even know it.”

And last, “You don’t understand who you are.”

He was right. Most days I don’t understand who I am. That is when I have to shut out the world, get into the word and read Psalm 139 for the 91^st time. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. All of God’s works are wonderful.

How beautifully poetic that God would send yet another carpenter into my life to leave an indelible mark of hope and restoration.

Matthew Aaron 3/14/13 Matthew Aaron 3/14/13

Another One Bites the Dust

Well it's 3 am and I just got back from an out of town trip. On my drive home, I was texted by a friend to ask if I had heard that a friend of ours who at one point was once walking out of the gay life, has now come out as gay. My friend was sad for obvious reasons. I was sad as well, but I have seen this before. Last year, 3 of the guys that I was mentoring decided that being gay suited them better. I am used to one here and there, but three all at once was enough to shut me down for a few months. God and I had a lot of long talks. Well after a long silent treatment from me, which did absolutely no good. Anyway. I was able to share with my friend, a few of the sentiments I am about to share with you.

During the last six months of my gay life, I called up my very first boyfriend. I don't know what I was looking for, but I felt the need to chat. I was surprised where the conversation went. He had apparently found Jesus and was going to church. This was the same guy that I mentioned in an earlier post who was interested in Electro Shock Therapy to get rid of his homosexual desires. When I heard that he was walking away from homosexuality, I was jealous. I was supposed to be doing that myself. I just hadn't put any action to my thoughts. That random conversation, not random in God's eyes, is one of the reasons I decided to walk away from homosexuality in 1998.

Fast Forward. I have been walking this walk for almost 14 years. Not only have I seen guys attempt the same walk and then give up, I have seen some key figures in my life fall back into their sin. Bret, my first boyfriend eventually went back into homosexuality. I found out years later that my first leader at an Ex-gay ministry back in 2001 decided this walk wasn't for him either. These were men I looked up to. I took the hits hard, but in the end, it didn't sway me from the truth. I may have been encouraged to start my walk in freedom by another guy, but the walk became possible and is still possible today because of my faith in Jesus Christ.

Men will always let us down. They don't always mean to, but sometimes as men who struggle with certain aspects of Same Sex Attraction or SSA, we put good men on pedestals. When those men fall, no matter how big or how small, it's always big to us. We have to remember. God didn't place any man in our life to be our soul source of emotional or physical support. God wants to be our one and only. Any good, Christian man will tell you early on, he has faults and he should also lead you to the faultless one.

My father has been one of those men that has disappointed me. God gave me a vision once of me and my dad walking to the edge of the universe. At some point along the journey, my dad stops walking and stands still. I had two choices: stop as well or keep walking. God told me to keep walking. Those first few steps were fearful, awkward and labored. I felt like I was betraying my dad. He wasn't saying a word to me, but I knew I must keep walking. What God showed me about the dream was that the "edge of the universe" was the limit of what my father knew about God. My father, having taught me all he knew, was symbolically stuck there at the edge of his knowledge. God was calling me deeper, but I was afraid of going by myself. I have been afraid of doing stuff by myself for most of my life. I have also not wanted to go it alone most days.

My mentors that fell back into their gay lives and my father's expansive, but limited knowledge of God, took me to the exact place that God wanted me to be. God used those people in order to move my heart and shape my life. My Christian faith is rooted and grounded in my relationship with Jesus Christ. People will come and go my friends. And to quote Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, "Most of 'em shock the hell outta me." If we cling to them, we ride every emotional roller coaster of every person we elect to be our "god". If we cling to God we will not be blown by the winds of change or the flood of emotion. We will be held in the arms of his grace and peace.

Who are you living your life for today? The people who inspire you or the God who desires you?

Matthew Aaron 3/9/13 Matthew Aaron 3/9/13

Porn Star Eviction

On January 1st I published a blog called “Risky Business”. I shared MY 35 year pornography addiction. It’s two months later and things are going well. Is my addiction gone? Am I temptation free? Well…it’s complicated. As long as I am alive I will struggle with something. Pride and Anger have yet to ride off into the distance of my emotional landscape. I have enjoyed a couple months of freedom from pornography and masturbation. My addiction has been surrendered to Christ, but satan still tempts me with aspects of SSA that have very little to do with sex and more to do with satan attacking the very foundation of masculinity in my life. My saving grace has been consistent, daily bible reading and prayer. Yeah, who knew? Long gone are the sad pitiful “end of the day”, after you brush your teeth, right before you fall asleep “devotions” of my past. This was time set aside specifically for God. After all, some days I gave porn 4-6 hours. Why not give God a few moments in my day. Every bible teacher, mentor and Christian friend I have ever known has told me to read the word. I heard them, but I never HEARD them. I began to see my need to for daily interactions with God’s word. I would never miss a physical meal, yet my spiritual man was starved and frail from lack of nourishment. God finally allowed me to experience the weight of my sin.

Matthew 5:28 “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Cue the ‘punch to the gut’. This verse haunted me. I left homosexuality behind 13 years ago. Exactly 3 years more than I lived as a gay man. Yet, every time I masturbated to pornographic images, I had committed adultery in God’s eyes. I could be okay with that and call myself a Christian. The world says that pornography hurts no one. I don’t live according to popular opinion. My God calls it adultery. Therefore, we had a problem. I shared my problem to bring my own darkness into the light. It was an act of obedience to God rather than a confession.com moment.

Hebrews 4:13 “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

Psalm 32:3 “When I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. 4 For day and night your hand was heavy on me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of summer. 5 Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, ‘I will confess my transgressions to the Lord.’ And you forgave the guilt of my sin.”

Proverbs 28:13 “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.”

After writing Risky Business, something broke in my spirit. That level of confession catapulted me to a new level in my Christian walk. I didn’t care who read my words. God is responsible for my promotion and livelihood, not man. I needed to be the kind of pastor that stands before my students and my enemies honest, open and blameless, willing to admit my struggles, before they become everyone else’s stumbling block.

Are you stuck in a downward spiral my friend? No matter your sexuality, do you live a secret life in porn? Jesus can indeed break your chains and bring peace and freedom to areas of your life that seem hopeless. The bible says that everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved. I believe that has dual meanings. If you are a Christian living under constant condemnation from the enemy, free yourself today. Confess your faults to a pastor, a Christian counselor or a Christian friend. Don’t let the enemy steal one more moment of the life that God designed for you and Him.

Matthew Aaron 3/2/13 Matthew Aaron 3/2/13

Cufflinks, Tie, Jesus

In a few short weeks I will be embarking on a new journey. After many years of telling Jesus I love him and I will follow him, I am doing it. Jumping in with both feet. The crux of this blog is to represent the truth about homosexuality as I see it and most importantly as I lived it. Over the last year I have seen the emergence in various media outlets of gay “Christians”. These are individuals who believe that homosexual desires are not sinful in and of themselves. They have even gone to the point of defaming Jesus in the process by saying that He never spoke out on the issue of homosexuality. While it is true that Jesus never said the phrase, “Homosexuality is wrong.” He did address all forms of sexuality other than the God designed one man and one woman model.

Matthew 15:18-20 But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man ‘unclean.’ 19 out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander. 20 These are what make a man ‘unclean’… When Jesus speaks of sexual immorality and adultery, he is covering all sexual relationships outside the union of a man and woman, which was God’s design from the beginning.

Yesterday I was emailed the link to a young man’s website who conducted an extensive, yearlong, research study on how the bible never says that having homosexual desires is a sin. I think about how connected to God he would have been if he had instead spent that year as I did, getting to know the personage of Jesus Christ.

In 1999 I separated myself away from everything I knew. I was beat and tired after having lived 10 years as a gay man. I left Christians and gays behind in order to put myself in the Holy Spirit Hospital. If I had spent that entire year trying to justify my homosexual desires instead of trying to find the roots and causes of them, I would have wasted another year of my life.

We are not to live our lives with our sexual desires as the focus. Jesus is not an accessory. Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. The bible may never identify homosexual desires as a sin, but if we call ourselves Christians or Christ like, aren’t we supposed to deny ourselves daily and pick up our cross and follow Jesus. Mark 8:34 "When He had called the people to Himself, with His disciples also, He said to them, 'Whoever desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me."

This blog is not to bash gay Christians, only to bring light to the darkness. I, too, was deceived like my friends in the gay Christian community. I lived every day professing Christ, knowing full well that he was asking me to surrender my whole life to Him. I also knew that though I felt I was born gay, that the inner call of the Holy Spirit was such that I knew that homosexuality was not God’s plan for me. I held one hand out to embrace Christ, but held the other behind my back tightly clutching my homosexuality. As a Christian, you owe the real, life humans of the gay community your prayers. Don’t pray that they become straight. Has straight ensured that you are issue free? Pray that every man and woman of the LGBT community would come to know Jesus Christ in an intimate way. Pray that they would surrender every aspect of their lives to Jesus. Pray that his transforming power could restore to them a life stolen from them at birth. The bible says that the truth will set us free. Don’t they deserve the freedom that you and I take for granted with every single, unworthy, unappreciative breath we steal from God.

I called the gay community home for 10 years. In some ways the gay community is more loving than any church I have attended. They understand brokenness. They understand rejection. They are also dying every day and entering into eternity without Jesus. Is Jesus a gift that you selfishly hoarde? Or is Jesus the most precious gift you have to offer to the world? Like it or not, satan has established his kingdom in the hearts of the gay community. Let us pray for life altering revival to flood their ranks. Let Jesus be victorious in their lives today.

Matthew Aaron 2/26/13 Matthew Aaron 2/26/13

The End is Now The Beginning

Wayne Henderson, my high school science teacher introduced me to Jane Goodall's world of Chimpanzees via video tape. Later in college I actually met Miss Goodall. I chatted with her for 20 minutes, speaking 800 wpm and at the end of our conversation, she took out a post card bearing a her picture and wrote a small note to me. “Follow your dreams”, it said. It would be several years later that I would step onto the Killer Whale Stage at Sea World Orlando and indeed begin to do just that. When I began training for the Sea World swim test, all I could think about was swimming with Killer Whales. I prayed about it. I talked about it. God was so gracious. I spent the first four months of my career at Shamu Stadium. My first challenge was to dive to the bottom of Shamu Stadium’s front pool, 36 feet to earn my trainer’s whistle. It was one of the most terrifying feats I had ever attempted. I practiced for weeks. I called people back home for prayer. Eventually, I made it. Then I got moved from Killer Whale to Sea lion and Otter Stadium. Swimming with Killer Whales would be another three years away, but I never lost sight of the goal. I was simply honing other skills necessary to succeeding when I would return to Shamu Stadium.

And return I did. 22 months later, my time at Sealion came to an end. Back at Shamu Stadium I was closer to making my dream a reality. Month after month, I was learning the show roles and Killer Whale Behaviors. The day came when I was put on the water work team of one of our most experienced whales. 14 years of waiting had culminated into that first amazing day in the water. With all the senior trainers gathered around and my friend Dawn snapping photos, I climbed aboard a Killer Whale for the first time. I was so excited it didn’t really sink in that I was actually in the water with a Killer Whale. There were a million eyes on me at the time, but I was alone with my whale in the middle of a dream. Months later my father would be watching the video and celebrating along with me.

A short while after that I was moved back to the Sealion show. As God often does in prayer, He posed the following question to me. “What are you going to do now that you have accomplished your dream?” I hadn’t given it much thought. Over the next few months, years and moments in between, God began to place a new dream in my heart.

Luke 12:48 says “…From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.” I believe God honored my dream to swim with Killer Whales, because in many ways I honored him with my life. I believe he also had a higher purpose for my time at Sea World. You see, as I was training to pass the swim test at Shamu Stadium, I was also beginning the process of walking away from homosexuality. I had struggled with homosexual desires from a very young age. The entire year of 1999, I was swimming, reading the bible, praying and submitting.

When I moved to Orlando in 2000, a lot of interesting things happened. Exodus International relocated from Seattle to Orlando. The very next year, I would begin a two-year stint as the Emcee of their national freedom conference using skills I had learned on stage at Sea World. God brought a troubled teen into my life named JD, as well. Myself and another trainer met him when he was 14. He would come to Sea World and do his homework in the bleachers at Shamu Stadium. We heard that he had a pretty bad home life, so we used our position of influence to impact his life. JD was the first young man with whom I ever shared my testimony of “coming out of homosexuality”. He also struggled with homosexuality. I mentored him for a number of years, before he decided to embrace a homosexual identity.

In many ways, I saw it as a ministry failure. Right out of the gate, I witnessed to someone. I shared my life, my very heart and they rejected the truth, but I felt it was a rejection of me. I had a lot to learn. I don’t see it as a failure any more. JD is now a young man in his late 20’s. He still calls me “Big Brother”. He is still gay. I respect his walk, though because he has had to work hard for everything he has. I am very proud of him. I still wish that he would follow in the footsteps of my story of redemption, but I love him regardless.

It’s 2013. 15 years after I began my Sea World career. Here I am. Finally, giving place to that question that God asked me so long ago. “What are you going to do…?” God helped me accomplish some amazing things that many people only talk about. My dream was a great dream for a child. Now God is calling me to something else. The dream He has for me. A dream where the purpose, passion and plight of my past culminate into a rescue mission for men trapped in homosexuality. I have been given so many great gifts from my Father, that I see no greater path than to submit my life in service to the needs of others.