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Which Came First? The Chicken or The Egg?

            Did you ever hear that old adage, “Which came first? The chicken or the egg?” It’s one of those questions that poses a couple of different approaches to the same answer. I am seeing gay “christianity” the same way these days.   Are we Christians in light of Jesus or Christians in light of our broken sexuality?

            Circa 1995, I attended a poetry convention in Washington, D.C. We were broken into small groups and asked to share one poem for a competition that was being held all week. I debated about what to share, but at the end of my deliberations I selected a poem, but it wasn’t my poem, but my self introduction that got everyone’s attention.   Yep, as early as 1995, I was introducing myself as a gay “christian”. I finished my poem and sat down. A gay couple who were attending with a young guy they had adopted, introduced themselves to me, because they wanted to know more about being gay and Christian. They didn’t think it was possible. I can’t remember exactly what I told them. But I remember that my statement was more of a political statement than a profession of faith in Jesus Christ.

            In the years after my declaration of being both gay and Christian, I tried my best to reconcile the two halves of my life. It never happened. Why? Because gay and Christian weren’t two halves of a life that would one day fit seamlessly together, simply because I worked hard at it. They were two specific, complete and different goals that would not share the throne of my heart. God was not going to share Lordship of my life with any sin; even one that I had rationalized and sanitized to the point of being socially acceptable and self-acceptable.

            I understand so clearly why so many people get trapped in a life of gay “christianity”. Those who accept the idea that a person can be gay and Christian are doing so out of compassion and a spirit of treating everyone equal. That is so understandable, but it is also the hook the enemy uses to get us to rationalize and accept sin. The outbreak of gay “christianity” these days is terrifying in light of eternity. I thank God that my journey through gay “christianity” was a place I stopped off on the way to Jesus. I thank God that He showed me the truth about sin of any kind and surrender to Jesus Christ.

            For me I think the trouble came when I entered college. I was led down the primrose path to a gay life. I didn’t wake up one day and say, “Wow, being gay would be amazing!” It happened a little at a time. Eventually, a disconnection from my dad fostered by a too close connection with mom and being born a sensitive, artistic and creative child set me up for the world to label me as different. Then my own mind, in trying to find a place to belong and succeed, found a world of other hurting sensitive, artistic and creative men. And they didn’t tease me or reject me, at first. Don’t be fooled though. Any group you belong to will have rules of admission and a “code of conduct” by which you must adhere.

            I remember those nights in college when I would pray nightly for God to take my homosexual feelings away.   I had always felt different than other guys and that eventually led to me idolizing them. I wasn’t born gay, I was born sensitive, not rough and tumbled like most guys, but I still had a place among their ranks. It was a place that most regular guys would assimilate into easily, but one that I would have to kick, claw and work my butt off to obtain. I think that is where most gay men give up the fight. Instead of trying to be someone they are not, they act like all the other automatons in the gay community, because of their feelings and in the name of not having to fit into a “normal” male mold. At the end of the day, they are still assimilating to a culture.

            God never answered my prayer to take away my gay feelings. That is where I got confusing.   Instead of reading the bible further and hearing scriptures like God’s grace is sufficient for me and Be still and know that He is God, His silence dictated to me that being gay was okay. My mistake, not His.

            There are so many other factors that contribute to men and women believing at their very core that they are born gay. Too many for one blog post, but that’s why I write often. God didn’t take away the feelings, because they were something I had grown in to. God can’t take away that which we refuse to give up. I remember that while I was still very involved in homosexuality that the Holy Spirit would call to me. I would tell God that I wasn’t going to give up on homosexuality, because I didn’t want to have to go through puberty again or relearn everything in the straight world that I had learned in the gay world. I didn’t want to wake up every day and look in the mirror and say, “I am not gay!” in an effort to convince myself. In essence, the enemy was telling me that I was too far-gone and that there was no time to start over.   Thank God for a praying father and deep-rooted scripture that held off the death that satan had planned for me.

            I think there are two predominant types of gay Christian, that stick out to me. Those that know the truth and suppress it, because they are going to prove to themselves and the world that gay is okay and those that are truly deceived by the likes of Jason Lee and his Gay christian Network.  

            I think that those who preach gay “christianity” and the media who suppress the truth will have a lot to answer for on judgment day. I also think that a lot of the gay “christian” community are banking on the idea that if they live a life according to the bible they know, that God will have no other choice than to admit them into heaven. I thought the same. When I was planning to marry my long-term partner “800 years” ago, I suggested that we stop having sex a few months before our ceremony so that I was pure before God. I was monogamous with my partner. I was living a good life.   On and on my deception went. My entire life was steered off course, because of my broken sexuality. Isn’t a life in Christ supposed to be directed by Him and Him alone. The scripture that jarred me into reality was Romans 14:12 “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” At the end of all “this” I was going to stand before God alone and tell Him the truth of my life. I had to ask myself, “Was I prepared to do that, considering everything I had done?”

            I ask you the same question my friend. No matter who you are following today. No matter how many people agree or support your stance on or life in gay “christianity”, what does your heart tell you today? Homosexuality is not in God’s plan for his creation. Do you believe that today?   Have you been led astray by the ideology and sentiment of the world? It is never too late to change your mind. As long as you have breath in your lungs, God is still performing rescue missions.

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Back from Down Under. So I guess now I'm "Up Over"?