Gospel of the Influentials
As I hung up the phone, I got that familiar sinking feeling in my gut. The young man on the other end of the line had shared his homosexual struggle and the desire to simply embrace those desires and “be happy”. He was calling to, in his words “pick my brain”. Recent news concerning gay marriage, the closing of Exodus, confusing rhetoric on being gay and Christian and the pope’s confusing declaration concerning the gay community and gay priests had generated much confusion.
As the gay community celebrates victory after victory, those of us who walked away from homosexuality are not only under fire by gay right’s advocates, but are also caught in the crosshairs of the church as well. Post conversation with this kid I was awash with frustration yet a sense of peace. These perceived victories have sent shockwaves through what was already an unstable community of believers. Believers trapped in a “Bermuda Triangle” of their unwanted same sex attractions, their love of Jesus and a world that has discarded the truth of God’s words in favor of following The Gospel According to the Influentials; men and women of power and charisma using their influence to coerce the church into reconsidering it’s biblical stance on homosexuality.
Paul writes about a perverted gospel in Galatians 1:6-8. 6 I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you to live in the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— 7 which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. 8 But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse!”
Paul was addressing the Galatians act of switching from a faith-based walk to one based on works. Yet this passage parallels the modern day war being waged against biblical truth by the gay agenda. The scriptures “turning to a different gospel”, “some people are throwing you into confusion” and “trying to pervert the gospel” are reminiscent of the tactics being used against churches and Christians who stand up for biblical truth about homosexuality.
Paul goes on to say in verse 8 that “even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse!” This was so important that Paul restated his point in verse 9. Paul knew that satan would come against God’s truth in an effort to pervert the gospel. I shared this same concept with my young friend concerning his sexual struggle. We must live according to the truth of God’s word concerning our same sex attractions and not the emotionally based, spiritual-esque opinions of influential “political” leaders.
No doubt the pope is a very influential person, but he’s still a click or two below the angels. Paul says that if “anyone” preaches a different gospel other than the one that has been preached, that there are consequences for that deception. In regards to the church and homosexuality my friends, I represent to you that a different gospel is being preached. Confusion is run amuck in the minds of young men stuck between gay and Christian; a false gospel is being preached by some very influential HUMANS.
I also shared my perspective with my friend on being gay and “Christian”. Jesus says this in Luke 9:23, “Then he said to them all: ‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.’ ” Luke 6:46 “But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say?” Jesus Christ is not one aspect of our lives. If we are Christians, Jesus Christ is Lord of our life. He won’t share His our heart with the sin in our lives. It doesn’t matter whom the next influential person to stand up and share their opinion is. As Christians we must measure everything against the absolute truth of the Bible. Any word contrary to scripture is to be ignored, not exalted.
There has been no greater time in the history of the church that the following scripture has resonated with truth and clarity as now. 2 Timothy 4:3 “For the time will come when people will not put up with sound doctrine. Instead, to suit their own desires, they will gather around them a great number of teachers to say what their itching ears want to hear.” We are living in a time, where man’s desires and worldly opinion are being given greater deference from the “Christian” pulpit than the Word of God.
I share these truths as a man who: surrendered his sexuality to God and whose heart beats with compassion for those trapped by their same sex attractions. I adhere to 1 Corinthians 6:10, which says, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
For the "gay kids" out there struggling to resolve the conflict of your sexuality and your Christianity, there is hope for freedom. 1 Corinthians 6:8-11 “…Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men…will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God.”
Jesus Christ mercifully delivered me out of a life He never chose for me, but through the deception of the enemy, I chose for myself. I still believe that we “…can do all things through Christ who strengthens…” us. That includes living a life controlled by Jesus and not by our same sex attractions.
Living in the Flames
A moment of humility. It is never my intention to set myself up as a god to anyone. I need Jesus every morning more than ever. I still get offended and fall prey to my anger and brokenness. Jesus Christ is the end all be all for all of our lives. My mission in life is not to fix broken people, but to instead lead them to Jesus, using the road map of my own emotional scars. The other day, two of my friends who struggle with SSA, were struggling with visuals of the male physique, at the gym locker room. After hearing their stories, God woke me up the next morning with some visual analogies of the struggle. God showed me the Temple and The Holy of Holies (HH) and He transposed it with a locker room. The HH was a place where "man" came face to face with God. Locker rooms are places where as active SSA strugglers we come face to face with our earthly 'gods'. The HH was a place where "man" came 'face to face' with God in order to receive redemption for his sins. God restored man into rightness, because of His Holiness and power to do so. In the locker room we are looking for that same sense of redemption and connection with a god of our choosing. We are looking to bring balance to a life out of balance. Our history shows our great need for God and our consistent effort to find 'Him' elsewhere. That same day I got the visual of the devil and Enoch. I don't know why I didn't think of Jesus, but anyway stick with me. Probably because the life of Enoch is shrouded in mystery and has always fascinated me. So here we have the most evil being that ever lived and a man from the Old Testament who was so righteous that it is said of him, 'Enoch walked with God; then he was gone because God took him'. Genesis 5:24. Polar opposites! I began to wonder at what point on the line between the two that I fell? Imagine living a life like that of Enoch. What does it look like to truly "walk with God"? Walking with God might mean there are places He would never lead us or choose for us to go. In all honesty brothers, we have to come to the realization that we will never be strong enough to go some places or watch certain movies. That we may always struggle with the sight of a naked male physique. That we are weak and prone to lapses in judgment, because of our eyes and our evil hearts. I pose this question to all strugglers seeking a life of freedom in Jesus. 'Are you being honest with yourself about what you can handle?' Should you shower at home after a workout? Should you watch Christian movie reviews before going out? I believe it's better to have a heart and mind that's a little sheltered than a heart God has to continually "do surgery" on, because we keep exposing ourselves to visual garbage. Just some thoughts. I'm so not telling any of you what to do. Think about this- Are you nullifying people's prayers by the life your leading? Or do their prayers simply enhance your sold out life for Jesus Christ? If your hand offends you cut it off. If your eye offends you pluck it out. We can't continue to eat at the trough with the pigs my friends. It's time to give up and return home. Daddy's waiting with arms wide open, ready with a new life custom built just for you.
He Chose Me
2:32 am- I can't sleep. I just wrote to my cousin in Oklahoma. He is much younger than me. We tried to connect once when I was home, but he is gay and I am ex gay and he tells me I treated him like a project in our short interaction. I have since apologized, but we don't exchange Christmas cards yearly. I felt like I was supposed to share my day with him. It was a great day in ministry for me. Skype guy in Alabama: Cry, Pray, Encourage. Skype guy in Kazakhstan:Learn Russian, Pray, Encourage, Rebuke, Love on him. Received a call from a girl I know about a guy friend who is gay and was severely beaten by his boyfriend in a drunken rage. It was severe enough that the guy moved out, closed down his facebook and is searching for God, spirituality or answers now. I received a call to pray about this guy. We'll call him Drew. She didn't call me praising God that maybe through this trauma Drew will turn straight. She called me hoping that Drew will now turn to Jesus. She called me to pray. And pray I did. While we do believe that there is freedom from homosexuality, our prayer and ministry focus isn't "Get 'em Straight!" It's "Get 'em Jesus!". My second call of the day was from a dad who needed some advice about how to handle his son's homosexuality, porn use and lies. The dad had cooked up some pretty dire consequences for the boy if the bad decisions and behavior continue. I talked him down off a ledge and simply encouraged him to love his son in the midst of a situation that the dad doesn't understand. I encouraged him to take the extreme consequences off the table and instead put forgiveness back on it and a little tough love. Whether the kid is gay or straight, porn is not appropriate for anyone at any age. Also hanging out in certain places on the internet where sketchy adults can lurk, whether you are a straight young lady or a gay young man, is not a good idea. At the end of the day, any child under 18 is entrusted to a parent by God. Like it or not kids, the parents are responsible to God for how they instruct and guide you. If you don't like it, McDonalds is hiring and there is a nice apartment for rent next to the liquor store and local hoochie house. As an added bonus, I have another friend visiting from out of town, who I will be watching the sunset with in 3 hours 33 minutes. Once we have witnessed this amazing view that only God could paint, then we will chatting about Jesus and exactly what a surrendered life looks like. I met this kid years ago at an Exodus Conference. I was his small group leader. He started off his introduction by telling me that he didn't like small groups too much. He didn't plan on sharing or talking and that was that. Well the Holy Spirit and I worked our magic and I have had the privilege of pouring into this young man's life for many years now. Praise God!
So that was my day. Better than any dolphin foot push, killer whale waterwork or the applause of the most affirming crowd I have ever experienced. I didn't make one red cent for my work today, but I feel like a millionaire, because God chose me to do this ministry. He chose me to love on gay kids who want out of the gay life and gay kids who don't. He chose me to love on gay couples who have been together 14 years and those who have separated, because they have heard the call of God on their lives. He chose me to share the love of Jesus, where the name of Jesus can't yet be spoken. This is the best life ever. He chose me!
Space Invaders
I was reading in Job 31. One scripture jumped off the page at me. Job 31:7 “If my step has turned from the way, or my heart walked after my eyes...” Which led me to another scripture Matthew 6:21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 22 “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. 23 But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness... How many times have our steps been turned aside by some enticing, "shiny" thing full of earthly "light"? How many times has your heart walked after your eyes? Think about catching that first glimpse of an enticing image. You know the feeling. You're an explorer who just found the boundary between heaven and hell. You wrestle with going further. Suddenly you're infected with a terrible virus that seeps in through your eyes. The pressure in your spirit is palpable as the foreign DNA infiltrates the halls of the temple of the Holy Spirit. What you do next is one of the most difficult tasks set before any man. How you could have prepared your heart before you were ever enticed would have been way easier.
I saw my first porn mags at the age of 6. There were no explanations, no boundaries. Lust and sexploration would impact the rest of my life. I stand before you an adult with adult sensibilities. Boundaries have been set. I possess a knowledge of right and wrong. I declare as Job did. I must make a covenant with my eyes. An agreement; a physical, spiritual, living and active proclamation to my DNA, that all "foreign" bodies will be eradicated upon sight. Gentleman, every morning we must wake with a purpose and a plan in our sights. satan has memorized our routines, waits for our boredom and then he pounces like a Christmas shopper on a Tickle Me Elmo. Put some scripture in your field of view, before the enemy puts Howie the Hottie in your viewfinder.
What is it that binds you and holds you fast? A website? An app? TV? Internet? It may seem silly to follow the letter of God's word and cut off your hand if it offends you or pluck out your eyes if they offend you. But let's be creative. If your app offends you delete them. Have a friend change the passcode on your phone. If your TV tempts you, serve it an eviction notice. The enemy of our souls is real. He doesn't simply work through porn sites any more. He now works with a more palatable medium. What is your poisoned laced candy bar of choice: a cute friend of a friend's risky photo on Facebook, a lovable, smart, gay character on your favorite show or a storyline you’ve been following for years that has slowly been leading you astray? I say most of this as a brother, none of this as your mother, but all of it to clear the way to your Father.
M.
Everlasting Echoes of Truth
I am still in shock about Exodus International closing. One of my students shared his testimony today at Illuminate Church in Celebration, Florida. It was perfect. No one prepped the crowd. He simply told how he had moved in with his boyfriend. Then Jesus led him to the realization that he couldn’t be both gay and Christian. Something had to give. Jesus won out. There were no audible gasps. No one left the room. When Alan Chambers spoke about the role of the church as Exodus closes, he said that churches are now ready to fill the void. I believe my church, Illuminate Church in Celebration, Florida is one of those churches. Are we FULLY ready? No. Are we asking the right questions and pressing in to Jesus? Yes. I spent 20 minutes talking to my pastor’s wife today about Exodus. She wanted to know the what, why and how behind the closing. I gave her a brief synopsis. Then as if cued by the Holy Spirit, she began to quote some of the same ideas and realizations about the situation that God had revealed to me. No organization can step up and do the work the church needs to do and that includes building relationships with the wounded and shepherding them in their walk with Jesus. Then the pastor’s wife asked me a question I could not answer. I know that as a church and a ministry we will one day do our best to answer it together.
“How do we as a church, communicate the love of Jesus Christ to the gay community while still sharing the truth of God’s word concerning the sin of homosexuality?”
We can’t occupy either of the two extremes: all love and hyper-grace or supreme condemnation and fear. There must be balance in our approach, leaving the one size fits all mentality to K-Mart Moo-moos and Cooking Aprons.
I got so mad at Alan Chambers that my judgment was clouded. I didn’t understand. I still don’t. HONESTY ALERT!!! My reaction to the closure of Exodus meant that I had placed my faith and trust in an organization. Exodus had become somewhat of an idol to me. I was angry that there was chaos where there had once been peace. That is when the conviction of the Holy Spirit came in. “God is where you place your faith and trust.” With Exodus gone, I could focus my eyes back on God.
When I calmed, I was reassured in a text from Alan that no matter what we are still friends. Yes, that is right. Alan Chambers is my friend. He gave me my first job in this ministry. He hired me as the Emcee for the 2002 Exodus Freedom Conference. Alan has introduced me to several young men that I have mentored over the years. He has given me advice. We’ve shared more than one lunch at the Cracker Barrel near the office. Alan Chambers has been a hero in my life.
I think of other names around Exodus when I began my walk out of homosexuality. John Paulk and John Smid. John Paulk co-authored the book, “Love Won Out”. He recently came out apologizing for his work with Exodus. It didn’t phase me. Here’s why. John Paulk spoke of freedom from homosexuality and Jesus at a time when I needed to hear it most. Just because he doesn’t believe it any more, doesn’t mean that the truth of God’s word about homosexuality is any less true.
John Smid mentored me at a time when I needed guidance and the viewpoint from a wiser man in this walk. He instilled in me the excitement of a life surrendered to Jesus. Both these guys have recanted most of the statements they made over the last decade, concerning Exodus ministry, but it was too late for me to be swayed by the new “gospel” they’re preaching. They had already led me to the only gospel that ever mattered; the message of Jesus Christ.
My friends, the bible says that if possible in the last days, even the very elect of the Lord will be deceived. Before you point fingers at any of the men above, go take a look in the mirror. You could very well be next. satan is alive and well. He can tempt and deceive any of us. Don’t single out heroes that have fallen, but instead pray for them. Pray for yourself that you don’t fall victim to the schemes of the enemy. 1 Peter 5:8 says it best, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour.”
Ultimately, it’s the message of the bible, not any ministry that is to shape and guide our lives. Do I believe you can be gay and Christian? I’ll let another one of my heroes, Joe Dallas, answer that question with a scripture he quoted. Luke 6:46 “But why do you call Me ‘Lord, Lord,’ and not do the things which I say?” Obedience in EVERY area of our lives is the key. Obedience- doing what the bible says is right, even when our heart, hormones and friends try to steer us off course. The bible is not the menu at Burger King. You can’t “have it your way”. A life in Christ is all or nothing.
Big Foot Buffet
So yesterday I partook in a Humble Pie buffet. A day before I left Sea World a new exhibit, Antarctica: Empire of the Penguin, opened. Sea World was offering free Antarctic fare to employees. Each employee got one meal ticket. I felt that the portions were small and I was “man hungry”. A friend of mine went through the line and they forgot to take her meal ticket. I saw the ticket and immediately thought, FREE MEAL. I snatched up the ticket and went back for a second “Free” meal. Meanwhile, my co-workers went to the Exhibit without me. The ravenous feeling I’d had earlier quickly gave way to guilt.
It was a complete lapse in judgment as my hunger overrode my morals. I doubted God’s provision for my needs completely. It led me to steal that “free” meal. How quickly I forgot that God replaced my roof and ceilings at a cost of $25,000 to my insurance company. That He found a buyer for my upside down truck. Or that He completely funded my trip to the Exodus Conference in California. The conviction of the Holy Spirit came in questions. “Why are you rationalizing wrong motives and stealing food? Have I ever reduced you to begging for scraps of bread?” I knew I had made the wrong choice. I began to rationalize how to fix the problem. Were my actions “really” wrong? Maybe I could get another ticket from someone who hadn’t eaten. Ultimately, I knew my action though simple was in fact a willful act of sin. I had to make it right.
I confessed my actions to a friend. I needed to go back and pay for the meal. A month later I returned to Sea World as a guest to pay for the meal. God didn’t make it easy. The parking attendants parked us in the lot farthest from the gate. I exited the car and began my long, hot walk of shame. Ironically, I was bathed in sweat by the time I arrived at Antarctica. I wasn’t sure how I was going to do this. I saw a lone cashier and headed for him. I told the young man I needed to pay for a chicken meal. He said I was supposed to get the food first. I told him that I had already gotten the food, which was true, but like an idiot I KEPT TALKING! I told him I already got the food then informed him that the rest of my party was inside. “LIAR!”. “LIAR!”. I got my receipt and began to walk away and the Holy Spirit was on me again. Ever gently. Ever persistent. “Matthew, you did the right thing, but you lied again in an effort to spare yourself embarrassment.” UGH!!!! He was right. It was embarrassing as well, because God revealed to me how easy it was to lie to get through an uncomfortable situation. I fixed my first lie, with a second lie.
The Holy Spirit just kept telling me to fix it. The efforts to be pure and Holy in other areas of my life were worth nothing if I let this lie stand. Commence Antarctica walk of shame number 2. I was beginning to hate Penguins. What was I going to say? Eventually, I settled on telling the truth. I stepped up again and said something to this effect. Hi, Do you remember when they gave the employees a free lunch? Well I used to work here and the cashier didn’t take one of my co-workers tickets, so I took the ticket and got a second free meal. It’s been eating me up ever since so I needed to come back and pay for that meal. That is the meal that I just paid for. “ I don’t think I have seen a more confused look since I told my friend Linda I was gay the night before a landmark genetics test. The kid looked at me and and said, “Okay.” Which is teenager for, “Okay Loser, can I go back to doing nothing?” I left and all was right with the universe again. I didn’t even ask for a pass member discount. My conscience was clear. My wallet $10.64 lighter. I was once again ready for another opportunity to trust God.
Confessions of a Closet Runner
I attended my 12th and final Exodus Freedom conference this past week in California. After 38 years, Exodus is closing. Recently, I left my full time job at Sea World in order to pursue ministry full time. Coincidence. I think not. God is afoot. I am excited for what He plans to do in this new season.
With all the apologies, legislation and myths flying about, the good works Exodus has done were swept under the rug faster than Honey Boo Boo can wolf down a chili dog. So, I decided to take a trip down memory lane and “come out of my own closet”. Yes, my friends I must confess that I…I…am…a…person who was helped by Exodus. WHAT!?!?! Yes, I know, shocking in light of news reports. “Apparently” there weren’t many of us. Most are afraid to express it openly for fear of being ridiculed by those who consider Exodus to be a worse than an M. Night Shyamalan movie. I can’t hide forever. I have end my silence and share my story.
I heard a lot of conflicting messages at this past conference. One couple testified that they now know that gay and Christian can coexist together. They shared that God had created their gay son, just the way he was meant to be. Wow! These were definitely not the messages of past Exodus conferences or the bible. I listened and took it all with a grain of salt. I began walking away from homosexuality in 1998. A few years prior I called myself a gay Christian. The Holy Spirit challenged my twisted view of spirituality. “I see a lot of gay in your life, but not a lot Christian,” He said. He was right. I called myself a gay Christian, because I believed the lie that I was born gay and I knew my relationship with Jesus wasn’t an option.
I focused my attention on my Christian walk instead of my gay Christian charade. My life began to change. Trying to live a hybridized life of gay and Christian brought this scripture in 1 Corinthians 6 to mind. 15 Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never! 16 Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body? For it is said, “The two will become one flesh.” 17 But whoever is united with the Lord is one with him in spirit. 18 Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.
I always had doubts about my Same Sex Attractions. My gay friends said it was the church that coerced me into believing that being gay was wrong. I know it was the conviction of the Holy Spirit that fostered my doubts. Romans 14:12 nourished those doubts. 12 “So then, each of us will give an account of ourselves to God.” The truth of God’s word haunted me. One day I would stand before God and the anger and attitude with which I staunchly defended my homosexuality would be silenced as God reviewed EVERYTHING. The masses wouldn’t protect me then. My best friend Scott couldn’t vouch for me. In the end it’s just you and God.
The last message I heard from the stage at Exodus was that one speaker had not experienced much change at all in their attractions over the 10 years they had been attending Exodus conferences. I wondered why they kept coming back? Then with a grateful, humbled, softer heart I thought. “I experienced change. I have. I continuously do.” The message I was hearing was not one of change and freedom, but instead one of doubt and a lesser gospel than the one I had experienced. Jesus said in Mark 10:27 “With man this is impossible, but not with God; all things are possible with God.” To me that included healing from homosexual attractions. The story from the stage was not my story, I felt ashamed at first. I felt like I was judging or even prideful about my victories over my attractions. With the messages of failure coming from the stage, I felt my success story wasn’t welcome. And that my friends’ is when I went back into the closet.
I didn’t stay in there long. I have changed. I have experienced freedom, but was my story welcome amongst the apologies and doubt. To be completely honest, I still have attractions to guys on occasion. BUT…after 12 years of attending Exodus Freedom conferences, I have experienced dramatic changes in those attractions. They are way less penis focused and more situationally focused and considerably less life altering. Guys’ who are tall, muscular, have great hair and great self esteem and self confidence still draw my attention. That doesn’t mean my attractions haven’t changed, it means that I fall victim to the act of comparing myself to others like everyone else in the world. It’s stifling at times. My attractions to women have dramatically increased over the years as I have learned healthy ways to relate to straight guys.
After years of sexual intimacy with guys, God gifted me with true intimacy. I shared one of the most intimate moments of my life with a straight guy friend. He invited me to listen to music and brainstorm ideas for a script he wanted me to write. He shared his vision and his heart and welcomed me into his creative world. He showed interest and gave value to my abilities and me. It was the most intimate act any guy has ever done for me. Sexual intimacy between men forces one to secede his masculinity to the other, thereby rejecting God’s design for his sexuality. Sin enters in and both men are shamed. Healthy intimacy between two guys, allows for mutual encouragement and edification as both men grow into the design that God has created for them. There is no guilt, shame or sin in that, only meaningful relationships and trust.
So there you have it. Man do I feel better. Confession is good for the soul. I hope my bravery will convince others to come out of hiding and share their triumphs as well. I have done a fair amount of growth on my own through the years, but Exodus Freedom Conferences helped me establish a little more of exactly that, Freedom, from the life that kept me in bondage. There was a fair amount of work I had to do on my own. I know what my life looked like when I had the consumer mentality and showed up at my local Exodus ministry expecting a contact “healing”. Jesus insured that salvation is free, but the rest of the Christian life takes work. We have to willingly change sinful habits, study scripture, pray and deny ourselves daily. I have met people who blame Exodus, but the truth is they made excuses not commitments. They simply gave up, because a life of denial and following after Christ is difficult. Sure there were rogue ministries out there, but when you add the human element to anything things are bound to get ugly.
When I first began my walk out of homosexuality, I was that guy who told God that I wouldn’t be gay, but I wasn’t going to date women. Later, God revealed how I was a Christian with stipulations and not a surrendered Christian. I changed my phrasing and begin to tell people that whatever God wanted for me, singleness or marriage, was fine with me. All the while, knowing I wasn’t looking or praying for a wife. In fact I would get mad if I found out people were praying for my future wife. Where am I today? Well, a few weeks ago I gave my pastor the name of a young lady. He asked her name so he could pray for her. That answer to prayer scares me a little, but not for the same reason it scared the gay kid I was way back when. Ultimately, it is a good feeling. Surrender. I believe it is what stands between God’s plan for our lives and our plan for our lives. Most of us stand just beyond God’s reach and blame everyone and everything for our failures. At the end of it all though, when you breathe your last, the truth will be revealed. I guess you just have to ask yourself one question regarding the truth: Will it define your life now or determine your eternity later?
Pray. They Need Jesus
We all do it. We make up our mind then build a case to support the decision we’ve already made. New car smell is an aphrodisiac to a 20 something guy as fresh, baked cookies are to the 40 something guy. After we get what we want, we realize the thrill of the chase rather than the actual thing was what excited us. Let’s look at Lust vs. Joy. Joy is finding pleasure in things that God provides. Joy waits and trusts for God’s provision. Lust is the fast food, synthetic version of Joy. Lust comes about when we attempt to recreate joy for ourselves. “I want it right now.” “I have to have it.” “I’ll die of I don’t…”. It’s the difference between waiting for sex after marriage or casual sex. It’s the difference between letting God heal your wounds or self-medicating for immediate relief.
Lust was the order of the day for so long in my life. I fell for satan’s traps, because they looked good and they were easier to achieve. Salvation is a free gift, but maturity, breaking bad habits and living a Holy life all take time. The cost is high. The bible says that “bad company corrupts good character.” When we do the right thing, it will cost us the friends and friends with benefits we hold close. It will cost us emotionally and financially. The bible says before we attempt anything, we should sit down and count the cost. It also says we will be persecuted for pursuing a pure and holy life. Jesus was. God did not spare his only son. He will not spare us.
I started reading Job two days ago. There’s a case study in persecution. Biblically, persecution is an integral part of the Christian walk. Knowing this, I cringe when I hear hurting people ask questions like, “How could God let this happen?” or they make statements like “I know God doesn’t want me to suffer.” These are feel good statements, not biblical truths. Scripture says that God isn’t willing that any man should perish, that is why He sent His son Jesus. God is not concerned with our happiness and comfort. If He was, Jonah woulda got a Jetski, Lazarus wouldn’t have died and the woman caught in adultery woulda got an “Atta Girl” and not a “Sin no more”. God’s express concerns are that we know His son and that we love others as we love ourselves. Love is all encompassing concern for the well being of those we care about and those heading towards death. Love is not a “Golden Ticket”, free for all, where we step aside and let sin run it’s course.
The events of the last couple of days are saddening, not surprising. Exodus International closing it’s doors, the DOMA was defeated and California reinstating gay marriage. God isn’t surprised, either. If one of His main concerns is that we know Jesus, then everything else we put our hope in will be stripped away, as God leads us to Jesus. People have been crying out for gay marriage, for years and now they have it. I see it like every other thing we desperately pursue in life. Fulfillment will come for a moment, but eventually people will still have a void in their hearts. They will look for the next thing. Eventually, all roads lead to Jesus Christ, whether we are dead or alive. He is the only one that can quell the aching of our hearts. The void is there to draw us into the presence of God, where true fulfillment lives.
It’s time to stop erecting borders and start building bridges. And way past time to pray diligently, for individuals in your life who are gay or marrying their partners. People who don’t encounter Jesus spend their lives searching for something to make them happy. Let your prayers be lifted to heaven today for your friends and family who are gay. Pray for God’s will in their lives, not their “straightness.” All the other sinners in your life need prayer, too. Hopefully there is another blog for them. God is in the business of redemption. Many of us have walked away from homosexuality. We are not the stuff of legend. The media circus does not speak for us when they say you can’t change your sexuality. We cling to the hope of Jesus Christ for all men and women who want freedom from homosexuality. We profess that Freedom, truly is possible.
Freedom Friday —} Sunday Funday
Image
About 500 Exodus International Freedom Conferences ago, I thought of a really great idea that lay dormant for years. I began attending the Exodus Conferences in 2001 a few years after I began my walk out of homosexuality. The conferences were well organized and power packed with knowledge, worship and prayer. Yet, there was always one day that energized me. That day was lovingly called “Freedom Friday”! It was the Friday of the conference week. It was nestled perfectly between tough days of learning and teaching, after guys and gals had their minds blown by the informative workshops indicative of every Exodus Conference. Freedom Friday was a day to ponder. FF was a day of rest and relaxation. A day to forget that your heart and soul were hurting in a good way. In a sense, it was a day of rest in between battles for our minds.
A few years ago, Freedom Friday was dropped from the schedule, because of the economy. It made financial sense. It never made developmental and spiritual sense. So there we were, Freedom Friday Free and in need of an outlet. That is when my brain began to churn out ideas. I wanted to do something that would get our Exodus guys out of the house and into the world. Many of the conferences before we had done adventure trips or played sports. All of which were packed with physical activity. My idea was to start an adventure group for guys walking out of homosexuality. I wanted to start an Ex-gay Adventure Group, but I did absolutely nothing about it.
It was crazy, far-fetched and the name just wasn’t too appealing. How exactly does one market an Ex-Gay Adventure Group? I began to come up with names. I finally decided on was XG4 Adventures. It was obvious what XG stood for. The 4 was short for Force. I abbreviated, because I didn’t want to sound like a band of ex gay superheroes. But once again, I did nothing to bring the group out of the pages of my mind and into reality.
Then I met my roommate Stacy. A straight guy who had never struggled with homosexuality, but had his own brand of struggle on the planet. His dream was to enrich the lives of young straight men, by taking on wilderness adventures. Our desires were very similar. I believe that it was a desire that God birthed in both of our hearts. We let our dreams sit in the "parking lot" for years. We did a few mini adventures here and there, but for the most part, the grand reveal would be years in the making.
Fast Forward to June 23, 2013. Today was the first foray into making both of our dreams a reality. While attending the last Exodus Freedom Conference in Orange County, California, we decided to take a hike. We took a big group of Exodus Men on a Hike in the foothills along the California coast, near Laguna Beach.
We climbed hills and carried rocks to simulate burdens that we would carry for each other in real life. There were those who walked ahead. Those who kept an eye on stragglers. And those who marched to the beat of their own drum. We lost sight of one another every once in awhile and eventually made it back to home base. Point is, We did it all together. It was nothing special and something extraordinary all at once. Stacy was the mastermind behind the adventure. At the top we paused for a moment to build a monument with our rocks and offer our lives to God in prayer.
Praise God for the culmination of two dreams in the lives of so many great men. Thank you God for these men. Thank You God, for these lives brought out of darkness and into Your life giving Light.
The Death of Exodus
As you may or may not have heard by now, an amazing ministry that has meant the world to many, Exodus International, is shutting it’s doors. It seems to have been a long time coming. But just because you know grandma is dying, doesn’t mean you’re less sad when she goes. I have attended the annual Exodus Freedom conference every year since 2002. I missed one year to run with the Bulls in Pamplona. Otherwise, the conferences have been the only staple in my life, other than gas and Shamu.
So here I am, sitting at my last breakfast on my last day of the last Exodus International Freedom Conference. My heart is sad, but my mind is abuzz with how to help this community next. As the world celebrates the demise of my “old friend”, standing over her lifeless corpse still holding the bloody knife they used to kill her, I know she will rise again.
I was full of piss and vinegar for the first couple of days of this conference. When I get that way, I practice very little control over my mouth. It’s a flaw that I can’t afford as a Christian. You see, even though I have gotten a huge amount of freedom from my sexual desires, White, Hot Anger is still a toxin that grips my heart and flows in my veins. What sparked my anger? I’ve heard general apologies to the media for things I did not do. I’ve heard wounded people speak gruesome, life-altering declarations out of broken places, where sound doctrines have been replaced with emotional regrets. I’ve heard that “Gay and Christian can coexist” communicated from a platform that used to preach healing to the broken. Many years ago the Holy Spirit spoke to my heart and told me I had to choose between Gay and Christian. In my heart, I knew that God was not an option. God didn’t leave me there, but provided a way for me to walk away from my homosexuality. I had to choose to walk that out daily. Every day of every year since I heard His declaration. I had to choose to walk as God led.
Alan Chambers is my friend. He has been for years. I don’t pretend to understand everything he does. He doesn’t pretend to understand my stuff either. In 2001, after my first Exodus conference, Alan Chambers offered me my first job in ministry as the Emcee for the 2002 Conference. It is Alan Chambers who trusts me with people who call the office looking for a mentor. Alan Chambers has led this organization beautifully for years. Alan Chambers is indeed my friend. I would have never chosen for Exodus to close this way. I would have chosen celebration in place of somber. Yet, it is not up to me. It was up to Alan and his board and ultimately up to God. God is not any more surprised by this, than you should be surprised that K-mart smells like the 70’s.
Freedom from homosexuality comes from an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ. That message will escape the ruins of this “burning building.” It is a message of hope and freedom in a world of ever increasing bondage. It is not God’s will that any man should perish. It is His will that every man should get to know Jesus and have everlasting life.
My time and my friends here will be missed. I won’t mourn what could have been, one second longer than I should. The people that hate us are the ones who need to hear the message of the gospel most. We owe it to them to reevaluate our Christian walks. I would beg you, regardless of your struggle, to realize that your life is the only bible some people may read. If you call yourself a Christian, then surrender your life to God daily and live according to His word. If your “Christian” walk is a tailored mixture of select scripture and personal convictions tainted with human emotion, please call yourself something else. Stop muddying the gospel to people who need the good medicine of the Word to treat their disease of sin. Don’t circumvent another person’s relationship with Jesus, because yours isn’t working. A lost and dying world deserves firsthand, unpolluted knowledge of Jesus’ healing power, because it is the gospel of Jesus Christ that has power; power to change, power to free people and freedom from the bondage that holds us fast.
The world has not seen the last of the message of Exodus, because at its core it is the message of the gospel. We’ve all lost our way. We all need a savior. Let the games begin.
God, Loving Killer
I often wonder what bible people are reading when they preach the reductive gospel, “God is love.” Now before you “all grace” and no judgment Christians stone me for having an opinion, hear me out. Of course God is love. 1 John 4 speaks about the loving nature of God and it firmly states that God is love. The injustice we heap on new Christians and sinners alike is that we relate only half the message of the bible. We set up our smoke and mirrors witnessing agendas and shouting God is love, yet we stop short, some deliberately and some unwittingly, of sharing the whole truth of the gospel. We’ve become a religion of used car salesmen, trying to make the sale without full disclosure of the facts. We have lost faith in the power of the gospel and we go around setting “Salvation Traps” like a bunch of Evangelistic, Pioneer woodsmen. Paul says in Romans 1:16 “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek.”
Why have we become afraid? Well the world is a dangerous place for the truth. And there are so many different versions of it, how do make sure the absolute truth finds its way to the top of the heap of relative truths? Why have we shaved the gospel down to some palatable, watered down script we sell every Sunday morning with a catchy jingle, a fancily dressed worship leader and the latest Mac technology? The truth is folks that the gospel is offensive. And when the people we have tricked into coming to church with the promise that God is love find out that He killed his own son as a blood sacrifice, well…let’s just say there is going to be a dirty, smelly fan somewhere if you know what I mean.
I get a lot of criticism for being embarrassingly open about the garbage of my past. But when people look into my life and see that this once barren, old landfill has become a place of hope and life for many, I forget the critics and remember what Jesus said. Go into all the world and preach the gospel. And that gospel that He refers to my friends is one that we have all sinned and fallen short of the glory of God. That we are all in need of a savior. That the wages of that sin we are all steeped in daily is not a long, beautiful eternity, floating on a bed of roses listening to Elevator music. The Wages of Sin is Death. Eternal separation from God. “But God is love; right?” I don’t have a love affair with the macabre and or a need to explore every aspect of God’s darkside. I simply want full disclosure. If you are going to ask someone to commit their lives to something, then for goodness sakes tell them about your bumps and bruises. Tell them exactly why you discovered, you personally were in need of a savior. Ultimately, it comes down to this. I don’t want to be sitting next to someone I brought to church and hear them gasp as I say quietly to myself, “Ooops! Did I forgot to mention that?”
Now we don’t have to go and pull a Westboro Baptist Rant on those we deem unclean. We have to share the truth respectfully, but in the end we have to share it in it’s entirety or we diffuse it’s power by hybridizing it with our emotionally, fuzzy logic. We might as well be reading Green Eggs and Ham to people in an effort to get them to heaven. And for goodness sakes men, be men and stop leaving religious tracts on the urinals. Not only is it extremely unsanitary, it’s cowardly. Live this walk or speak it out. Don’t ascribe to some cowardly version of evangelism, because you are afraid of rejection. What are we, a band of Evangelistic elves waiting for the world to go to sleep so we can slip a scripture into their stocking? Nuff said!
Before you get too angry with me remember, this is a blog people. I’m not writing a new draft of the constitution. That is Washington, D.C.’s daily task. I do want you all to pull your stories out of the cedar chest or that back bedroom. What has God done in your life lately? If when you speak about God, the date of your story has a 19 at the beginning of the year, you need a fresh experience with Jesus, because there is a dying world out there in desperate need of the truth of the gospel. Okay, well I am done. I’ve kicked the sleeping bear and told a bunch of partygoers that a hornet’s nest was in fact a Piñata. I love Jesus people. I love the truth of the gospel. Put down your “water pitchers” and your emotions and communicate the truth of Jesus Christ according to Matthew, Mark, Luke or John and leave (Insert your name here)’s opinion out of it. God bless
Motivated Intern or "Fire Insurance"
My daily bible reading is a little Old Testament and a little New Testament. I read it all, no skipping, even if I can't pronounce the names. Even when my brain goes off on an ADD rabbit trail and wonders what some of these guys nicknames were. Today there was a passage in Deuteronomy that was particularly rebukeful. Yeah, that's not a word, but you get it. Deuteronomy 4:2 "You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take from it, that you may keep the commandments of the Lord your God. 5 “Surely I have taught you statutes and judgments, just as the Lord my God commanded me, that you should act according to them in the land which you go to possess. 6 Therefore be careful to observe them; for this is your wisdom and your understanding in the sight of the peoples who will hear all these statutes, and say, ‘Surely this great nation is a wise and understanding people.’
We are all guilty of this my friends. We get in a bind spiritually and we bend the rules ever so slightly to suit our needs. We rationalize and make statements like, "God want's me to be happy" or "God doesn't want anyone to suffer". Gay people get a bad rap in our culture today, because Christians can see that their beliefs are in direct defiance to God's law. But my Christian friends, what about divorce, premarital sex, smoking, drinking excessively, unwholesome talk, gossip and other acts of mistrust of our God or defiance of his word. If we are called to be a Christian, shouldn't we want to get to know the leader of the movement? Shouldn't we want to get to know His core values and aspirations. Or are we simply in it for the "Fire Insurance".
Are you living your life according to the Word of God or a Boutique Gospel finely crafted detailed so that it fits specifically and uniquely into your life without inconveniencing you? Has God called you to kick your porn habits my straight, guy friends who are in a relationship with a nice young lady? Has God called you to pray for your Ex you broke up with years ago, but still holds you in emotional bondage to this day? He is calling you to get right with Him. He is calling you to live a life evidenced by the scripture "YOu will know them by their fruits." Gentleman, put down your penises and your video game controllers, engage the world and be the mighty men of valor that God has called you to be. God is calling you to the word today my friends.
Matthew 7:3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?" We must work on ourselves first. If you are already in the process of drowning yourself, what strength will you have to save other drowning victims. Get to the beach, get yourself in shape and head back into the water as a rescuer not someone who simply muddles the equation with your spiritual duality. Christian friends and foes, we are called to be salt and light in today's world. So stop being a jalapeño pepper in the Banana Pudding. If your life doesn't represent the love of Christ to a dying, hurting world, then please stop interacting with them and let those who love Christ and are carrying his cross daily do all the talking.
I disagree with the moniker of "Gay Christian", because it's a life with stipulations and agendas, not one surrendered to the Christ of the bible. But truth be told, if Christ were to put modifiers on our Christian walk, what might they be? Republican Christian, Liberal Christian, Prideful Christian, Lustful Christian, Gossiping Christian, Alcoholic Christian, Non-surrendered Christian, Pseudo Christian or Good time Christian? Christ has called us to live a life without sin, yet when we do get our feet marred by walking in the blackness of sin He grants forgiveness. Forgiveness for the occasional slip up and the long term love affair that many of us have raging on with our vices. The price of Sin is great. And surprise, our "personal and private" sin costs others just as much in the long run.
There it is my friends. My rant is over, but let the concentric circles of its spiritual influence give you cause for pause today. Christ is calling us all to redemption, not just those whose sin you disagree with or those whose sin easily identified and labelled. In reference to Jesus, Acts 4:12 says "Nor is there salvation in any other, for there is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved." All those who call on the name of the Lord will be save my friends; from anything and everything that stands in the way of God's complete work in your life.