Journey To the Deep
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Every once in awhile I like to have a guest blogger on here. For sure, I am not the only one with whom God is speaking. Today's guest blogger is a guy I have been mentoring at Big Fish Ministry. He's new to blogging and sharing his thoughts on "paper", but he's no stranger to the voice of God. That being said, please enjoy this post from the "pen" of Nick Botero and the heart of God.
My journey so far in the Big Fish house has been great. I have learned so much and have made many good connections. It was after our recent conference that I experienced great breakthrough. The Lord is healing me from things that I didn’t realize were keeping me bound. A few weeks later, Matthew decided to go on a trip to hear from God and God definitely spoke.
Our destination was Lake Okeechobee. I have lived in Florida my whole life, but I have never visited the lake. I was definitely excited. Before we made our destination we made a couple of stops on the way. At one of our stops, the Lord began to speak. For some reason Matthew felt led to stop by some train tracks. The tracks were right next to the end of the road we were on. I felt like God was using this picture to show me where He was taking me. I felt like He was saying, you have reached the end of one path you were on and I am now leading you to a new direction.
The old direction I was on was turning me into someone I didn’t want to be anymore. I was really involved in my old church. I made no time for myself. I was so consumed with titles and what others thought of me that it was taking a toll on my relationship with God. I truly became the typical performance driven person; saying yes to everything and receiving acceptance by what I did for people, not for who I was. I was known for being the reliable and faithful person that everyone could count on. I’m not saying that its wrong to be reliable, but I was afraid to say no. I was afraid my ‘no’ would let others down. The Lord is bringing me to the end of myself; to a new path, a path of freedom.
We continued on our trip and reached our destination. We explored our surroundings and enjoyed the view. Matthew left me at the edge of the lake to be alone and see what I could hear from the Lord. As I looked out onto the lake, it may sound a little cliché, but a lyric from the song “Oceans” by Hillsong kept coming to mind. “Your grace abounds in deepest waters”. The thought of new direction and transition was a little scary for me. I felt like God was saying, I will give you grace to wade into deep waters. He was basically asking me to trust Him as He took me deeper into new areas that I have never been before. He would provide grace if I would step out in faith. I was comfortable where I was before. My comfort zones were keeping me stagnant. I am no longer satisfied with stagnation.
We’ve been reading a book on boundaries. It’s been a hard read for me. I now see that I had very few healthy boundaries. The Lord is challenging me with this whole experience. I know its not going to be easy, but I’m looking forward to where the Lord is taking me.
“Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waves and breakers have swept over me.” –Psalm 42:7
“For do I now persuade men, or God? Or do I seek to please men? For if I still pleased men, I would not be a bondservant of Christ.” –Galatians 1:10
Lessons From A 5 Year Old
So I was counting raindrops the other day with my friend Zach. Let me rephrase that. We were attempting to count raindrops. HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO COUNT RAINDROPS? It’s freakin’ hard! Why on earth would I even attempt to count something as infinite as raindrops. To be honest, it was Zach’s idea. Did I mention that Zach is 5? It was the typical Florida day, sunny all day and then in three seconds, HURRICANE!!!! We were standing in the doorway to the patio of Zach’s house, looking out over the pool, watching the raindrops hit the surface of the water. Zach wanted to play a game of counting raindrops. We began. I counted as fast as I could, using first one method, then another. The funny part was that I honestly tried to count the raindrops. At first I focused on one area of the pool and tried to focus in to recognize each, individual raindrop. I tried to say numbers really fast and get as high on the numerical scale as I could. BTW, I got tired and stopped at 46. It was then that I broke down. I realized that there were raindrops falling on the ground outside and on the roof and in the road and… I had never thought about it before, but there are SO MANY raindrops in one storm. It is nigh on impossible to count raindrops. I called this blog “Lessons learned from a five year old”, but God was working on teaching me something as well. Zach and I both gave up simultaneously. I was mentally exhausted and frustrated and he may have needed to pee and then he saw a squirrel. A few days later a song spoke words straight from God’s heart to my finite brain. Misty Edwards sang these words, “I believe. You will come like the rain. I believe. You will come like the rain. And I believe You will come like the rain. You’ll come like the rain!” WOW! Suddenly I was reminded of my adventure with Zach. Those raindrops that were too numerous to count, just kept coming. Everything in their path was baptized in water. Water ran along the gutters, the cracks in the sidewalk and permeated every square inch of dry, thirsty ground. Raindrops joined together as a mighty moving force, puddling and pooling, saturating everything under their heavenly waterfall. Misty’s words gained new ground in my mind. If Jesus indeed did come like the rain, then that means He is a mighty, moving, saturating, refreshing, unstoppable, immeasurable force; bringing life and rapture. It was impossible for Zach and I to quantify the raindrops, but when we stepped back and simply enjoyed their synchronicity, we could appreciate the sheer power and amazingness of the rainstorm. I didn’t need to understand every component of the rain to know that it was working and had purpose. The presence of Jesus is as innumerable as the raindrops. When He comes like the rain, He can penetrate and saturate every area and aspect of our lives with His love, His power and His presence. If I had stood in the midst of the rainstorm, I would have quickly been soaked to the bone, but I chose to stand in the doorway, just out of it’s reach. I still enjoyed the cool, crisp, refreshing “presence” of the rainstorm, but I did it from a place of safety; a place of non-investment. That is how I have I have often lived my Christian life; standing just beyond the reach of Jesus, enjoying the promise of heaven’s possibilities, but refusing to take the few steps further, toward Jesus and allow Him to inundate me with His infinite saturating and powerful, all consuming love. My prayer for all of us is that we step out into the rainstorm that is Jesus. That we take those first few, frightening steps out of the doorway of our will and into the presence of Jesus where His cleansing love will envelop us. One of the greatest lessons I learned from Zach, as he stood there holding my hand, listening to me count, was this. When I was interested and engaged, he was, too. When I gave up and was ready to quit, so was he. Zach had begun to imitate the way I was counting. He was saying what I was saying and doing what I was doing. I believe if I had run out onto the patio in the pouring rain, he would have joined me. I also believe that if I had let go of his hand, he would have run onto the patio into the deluge all by himself. Jesus showed me how that is the power or weakness in our Christian walks. There are people who will fall in love with Jesus simply because we love Him. There are those who will follow us to church, stand by and “hold our hand” and follow our lead, as we trudge forward or fall away as we lose faith. They have the potential to be held back by our brokenness and mistrust of Jesus or catapulted forward as we lean on Jesus. Our friend’s lives will reflect our freedom in Christ or our bondage to sin. The time for standing in the doorway, enjoying Jesus from afar, has passed. It is time to recklessly abandon our hearts and lives to the heavenly rainstorm that is the infinite and innumerable presence of Jesus Christ.
Cardiac Arrest
Last night I watched a movie based loosely on the life of the Solomon of the bible, called “The Song”. I had spent the entire day prior to our 10:05 movie time celebrating my birthday with friends. The happy, go lucky, fun frenzy, birthday extravaganza ground to an abrupt halt roughly halfway through the movie. Spoiler Alert. The main character a struggling singer marries the girl of his dreams, then writes a hit song and proceeds to let fame wreck his life. It should have been rated O for “O My Gosh This is so Frickin’ Depressing!” BUT…it was worth the watch. Here’s why. They might have been recreating the story of Solomon, but they were also writing the story of every one of us who has drifted away from God when we got enticed by “the world”. My stomach was in knots the entire movie, but it wasn’t just because the movie was sad and frustrating at times. Deep in my heart, I knew that I, too, had been guilty of cheating on God with various “seductive temptresses” throughout my life. I was mad, because I had spent the entire day celebrating me and now God was asking me to focus my attention back on Him. How dare He, right? I live a cleaner, healthier more Christ filled life now than I did 20 years ago when I was deep in the heart of the gay community, but even a little “rust” if gone unnoticed, can weaken the sturdiest “metal”. One conversation in the movie was especially convicting. The main character’s wife accuses him of loving his career more than his family. He starts rationalizing and gets defensive about how his career is good for everyone. How many times have I gone to bat for something that was a whole lotta me and very little God? In recovery circles the term “self medicate” applies to methods we use to soothe our hurts and wounds on our own using drugs, sex, porn, food, etc.. This movie served as a wake up call for me. As a Christian and follower of God, I am called to surrender everything. That includes ways in which I self medicate. I have to admit this people. There are ways I still don’t believe that God will do what He says He will do in His word. And that is this, God would provide OUR every need if we would step aside and let Him. Instead, I build walls inside and around my heart and post no trespassing signs to Him. Yet, I will throw out the Red Carpet to people on occasion who don’t give a rodent’s rear end about me. One of the biggest heartaches in ministry is when a guy I have been ministering to suddenly meets the “perfect” guy. This leads them to change their mind about God and my testimony. Some are led back into sin by the promise of “the man of their dreams”. I used to get so mad at God when this would happen. ‘How could you let satan do this to these guys? Don’t you care about them? Don’t’ you care about my sanity? What about all the effort I have wasted?’ My heart wasn’t always in the most Christ surrendered places. God has recently begun to change my perspective on the matter. It’s like He has posed the question to me, “Where does it hurt more? Your heart or your pride?” God hurts a million times worse than we do when one of His children says no to His plan for their lives. It grieves God when we choose to settle for sinful behavior rather than to rest in His presence. I know all too well, the seductive, convincing allure of homosexual desires. I also know that gay relationships led me away from God’s will for my life. “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.”- Proverbs 14:12. As I sit and judge or nurse a broken heart because a guy I have been ministering to chooses another path, how much more does God hurt when I do the same thing to Him. Pornography and masturbation is one way we all say ‘no’ to God’s healing love. Food and finances run amuck are other ways we try to fill the void in our lives, while God waits for us to reach our body’s and our credit card’s limit. It’s often only then that He bring healing and restoration. God desires to be in relationship with us. He desires for us to pursue the path of His will. His will is the only path that leads to life. Homosexuality is by no means the worst sin in the basket. All sin grieves the heart of God, but the bible describes sexual sin as a sinning against one’s own body. Homosexuality to me, was a consistent and slow-burning, forest fire, daily claiming acre after acre of cardiac real estate. Our pastor challenged us to be “Boldly Humble and Beautifully Messy”. That is what God called me to be when I started this blog. Today, I had a conversation with a friend, who is choosing to pursue God while simultaneously pursuing a relationship with another guy. That may screw with a lot of people’s theology. It does with mine. But…I know my friends heart. I have seen how anointed and gifted by God he is. However, one of his statements shifted my focus. As he shared his heart super openly, he also told me that he knows very clearly that I believe homosexuality is a sin. He politely asked me not to mention it again, because he was sure he would never forget. He asked if we could simply build a friendship and if I could let him work this next phase of his life out with God and not as the subject of my watchful eye. We ended our conversation with a prayer. Then I made a move that some may disagree with, but I felt led of the Holy Spirit to do. I asked my friend for forgiveness if I have tried to force Jesus on him as an ultimatum. I apologized for any moment that I had treated him as less than me or for any moment I had promoted the idea that I myself “have arrived”. I truly know that my heart breaks for these guys, because I have experienced the hurt and pain of using things other than Jesus to heal my pain. I have been used, battered and maligned by people I thought I could trust with my heart. Although I believe that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life. I also believe that if I choose something else simply because my trust muscle is broken, that Jesus Christ is big enough to forgive my sin, mend my wounds and set me on the proper path. satan has no new tricks. He tempts each one of us the same. Thank goodness, he doesn’t have exclusive rights to the script of our lives. I love my gay friends with a love that only comes from walking a mile in their shoes and from having experienced the love of Christ when I was saying ‘Hell No Jesus’. I trust that God will answer my prayers for them; that each one of them will one day surrender their lives to Jesus. Until that day I will trust God with their lives the same way my father trusted God with mine. At the end of the day, I am learning to have greater faith in God’s sovereignty than satan’s liberal use of smoke and mirrors. Phililppians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”
Stay in the Ship
The other day I noticed that another Facebook friend had joined a somewhat exclusive, online club; the Facebook official club. For those of you unfamiliar with what Facebook official represents, it’s the act of announcing your dating relationship to the world via Facebook. The Facebook Official proclamation falls somewhere between “You’re kinda cute” and “I wanna have yo baby”. Oftentimes it announces a relationship previously in progress. One trend I am noticing is that gay couples are using it to announce their relationships, but as a way of coming out to friends and family who might not have a clue. This is where I found myself the other day. I was trolling the newsfeed, looking for funny videos, searching for a daily life slogan and catching up on the latest political and social gaffes that Barack or Michelle had perpetrated on the highly esteemed office of POTUS or FLOTUS. I happened upon a guy that I shared my testimony with about 10 years ago. We have been facebook “friends” this entire time. We met at a Christian, collegiate conference called Sonburst. I spoke at the conference and shared about Jesus and leaving homosexuality with a group of about 100 students. One of the students grabbed my email and shared his similar struggle with same sex attraction. We met to hangout and conversed off and on for a few years. Eventually he moved and the lines of communication grew quiet. The cold hard fact about Facebook though is that you can think you know so much about a person and still know so very little about their lives. I saw that my friend had announced that he was Facebook Official with a guy. I know I hadn’t talked to him in years, but my heart sank. Homosexuality develops as a result of brokenness in relationships and other developmental factors. I hate to see that someone has simply resigned himself to a life built on a foundation of dysfunction. It hurts my heart to see any man, let alone the men who know the truth of the bible regarding homosexuality, choose a different path than the one that God has ordained for all men. Homosexuality is not in God’s plan for us. It is simply not His best for his creation. No matter how many times gay christians manipulate and twist scripture to suit their need or omit the bible’s condemnation of homosexual acts, it doesn’t change the fact that God designed man for woman and woman for man and that any sexual relationship outside of marriage is sin. So there I was, reading and disbelieving my friend’s post. My heart sank a little further as read the comments below in support of his proclamation; nothing but “love” for this man and his relationship. Then I began to wonder, how will he know the truth if no one tells them? How will they find their way back to the will people know the truth of God if they are surrounded by only by the voices of sinful, broken people? I knew I needed to once again, share the truth in love with my friend. I felt in my heart that a loving, compassionate, private message was the way to go. I simply said, I saw your post about dating a guy. I remember where we met and what we talked about together. I have continued my walk out of homosexuality. Homosexuality is not God’s best for you. His reply came a few days later. My friend was no longer the receptive young 20 something that had pursued me for the truth. His reply represented the burgeoning and hybridized viewpoint of many gay Christians today: a little bit of truth mixed with some misinterpreted scripture and a whole lot of defensiveness. It was hurtful, but I understand his response. You are living your happy life, that you have fought hard for and some guy sends you a message after 10 years to tell you that he doesn’t feel that you are doing the right thing and he calls out your relationship with God in the process. Even though my intention was nothing but true love, what I did was put him on guard. So what is the proper response. I wouldn’t change the fact that I spoke truth to my friend, but I would change the fact that I didn’t invite God in to help me process my friends announcement the minute that I read it. I knew I needed to be the only voice of spiritual reason in my friend’s life, but my response was reactive, not relational. My friend said something that stuck in my throat and put a knot in my stomach. He said, unless I had been talking to God on his behalf for the last ten years, I had no idea what God’s plan was for him. Though there’s truth and falsehood to that statement, it was a convicting thought. How much had I prayed for this boy over the last 10 years? How much had I even involved myself in his life? These were all ponderings I took to God in prayer. I knew that a three sentence Facebook message wasn’t going to bring down the power of the Holy Spirit and immediately bring conviction to my friend. I did believe that it would start a dialogue not a “forest fire”. Over the next couple of days, I took my friend’s name before the Lord. I asked for forgiveness for not praying for him more. I asked God for intervention and healing in his life. The entire event has led me to pray more attentively for guys I am mentoring, have mentored or simply gay men I see when I am out and about. I don’t have all the time in the world to pray for every guy, but I know that a number of them have given up on God and given up on walking away from homosexuality. Many have resigned themselves to a form of spirituality called gay christianity as a means of managing their homosexual desires and their desire to serve Christ. I know all too well the battle that rages on in one’s head regarding Christianity and homosexuality. I tried for years to comingle the two. At the end of the day, gay chrisitianity isn’t a life of denying oneself daily, taking up your cross and following Christ, but a patchwork quilt of partial obedience to certain scriptures and a complete disregard of scriptures condemning homosexual practices. I have been led to pray differently for them. Scripture says in Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;”. God is faithful to save our loved ones from the bondage of sin. We must not have more faith that satan has our friends bound, but extreme trust that God is at work in their lives. We must in fact, trust in the Lord with all of our heart. God loves our loved ones and friends so much more than we do. He created them. My prayer for each one of the men I pray for is that they would know God more and more each day. When it comes to the LGBT community, there seem to be two schools of thought, “Support them fully or you’re anti-gay” and “Condemn them completely, because they are all lost”. Personally, I don’t subscribe to either. I can’t support their pursuit of things outside the scope of God’s will for them, but I can love them as God’s creation and hope that one day they all become children of God through an active relationship with Jesus. Even as the world blindly and unwittingly supports all things LGBT, we as Christians must share the truth in love, risk facing persecution and stand before God bearing the names of gay identified men and women in our lives. A while back, I was led Acts 27. Paul is traveling by ship to stand trial before Caesar. Acts 27:23 Paul says, “Last night an angel of the God to whom I belong and whom I serve stood beside me 24 and said, ‘Do not be afraid, Paul. You must stand trial before Caesar; and God has graciously given you the lives of all who sail with you.” I was moved by the Holy Spirit to ask God to graciously give me the lives of “the men traveling with me in my ship”. I felt led by the Holy Spirit to speak out the names of the men in my life. God warned Paul that the men must remain on the ship for their life to be spared. Inevitably in ministry there are men who chose to ignore the warning and jump ship even as others heed the warning and remain with the ship regardless of the impending doom they see. Prayerfully, I’m asking God to spare the lives of the men in the “ship in my mind”. It is not God’s will that anyone should perish.
Why We Do What We Do
Over the past few days, Victoria Osteen’s sermonette has been dancing around in my head. I went to bed thinking about the many ways that humans have tried to mold and shape Jesus into the perfectly coiffed, demure, solemn faced pushover portrayed in the 16x20 frames in the Christian bookstore. Different religions have rendered him powerless; nothing more than a figurehead. Gay Christianity and other religious cults have edited and maligned His words to normalize sin and legitimize their disregard of scriptural truths. Common to many people groups is the belief that God just wants us to be happy. Instead of a daily dose of God’s word and the TRUTH that would set them free, they book a reservation on the crazy train and continue down the wide, easy path denoted by Matthew 7:13. It is a path far from Jesus and a road that leads to destruction. I was one of those Christians, angry at God for the direction my life was headed. I was in debt, angry with my boss, unsuccessful in ministry and just downright unhappy. One day I had a meltdown with God on Interstate 4 in Orlando. “Why are you against me? Why is this stuff happening to me? Why do you hate me so much? Why is my life in turmoil right now? I am doing all the right things. Why is everything so hard right now? GOD! Throw me a bone!” God’s response was very simple and very clear. “Why would I spare you trials in this life? I didn’t spare my own son.” There was a pause in my prayer, the tears began to flow and my heart changed. It was a tough pill to swallow. After all, “Didn’t God want me to be happy?” His response went head to head with the pity party I was throwing for myself. A few minutes later, the Holy Spirit calmed me down and God did some corrective surgery on my twisted beliefs. I had been one of those people who mistakenly believed that after I became a Christian, God’s main priority was to give me a happy, worry free life. In that tear filled, angst ridden car ride, I realized that God wasn’t mad at me and he wasn’t rebuking me. He was realigning the thoughts and beliefs that didn’t line up with scripture. God was teaching me mercy and grace; a much different lesson than what I had bought into. What stuck in my craw about Mrs. Osteen’s speech was that the concept that God just wants us to be happy. Jesus’ experience in the Garden of Gethsemane contradicts her sentiment. Matthew 26:36 “Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, ‘Sit here while I go and pray over there.’ 37 And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. 38 Then He said to them, ‘My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.’ 39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, ‘O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.’ “ “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful”. Nothing about Jesus’ journey from Gethsemane to Golgotha could ever be described as ‘happy’. It was a predetermined, purpose driven, God ordained journey into hell. For anyone not familiar with the life of Jesus, God called Him to die as a sacrifice for the sins of the world.
Jesus(Innocent man)+ Alone + Crucifixion + Gruesome death = Redemption of Man
Happiness was never a factor in the equation. God was more concerned with Jesus’ obedience. If God’s main concern was our happiness, then Jesus would have been spared the torment of the cross. The preservation of His happiness would have left you and I at the mercy of our sins. In my life, what made me happy for so many years was living a gay life. Living a gay life is contradictory to a life surrendered to the principles of scripture. So often people share the smarmy platitude, “Follow your heart.” Jesus has this to say of the human heart. “For from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders, thefts, covetousness, wickedness, deceit, lewdness, an evil eye, blasphemy, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within and defile a man,” Mark 7:21-23. God paints the masterpiece of our lives in hues of discomfort, pain and trials. Just ask Moses, Jonah and David. The things that made them happy often led them away from God’s plan for their lives. How in the world could that ever make God happy? How in the world could shifting the focus off God and onto ourselves be pleasing to God? I am reminded of Jesus’s words. “If anyone loves me, he will keep my word, and my Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him,” John 14:23. Keeping God’s word is what makes God happy. Jesus also reminds us, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.’ “ Getting what makes us happy emotionally is often contrary to what is best for us spiritually. When I worship God, when I thank Jesus for dying for my sins and even when I obey God’s word, I am doing not doing it for myself. I am doing it all to bring glory and honor to God. If I call myself a Christian, I must live as Jesus Christ does. Jesus said, "For I came down from heaven, not to do mine own will, but the will of him that sent me," John 6:38.
Canine Contemplation
Several years ago, God showed me the perfect picture of ministry, through a very specific dream. The entire dream took place in a grass field, traversed by chain link fences, behind a school. The only other characters in the dream were three, distinct German Shepherds. The first German Shepherd had been beaten within an inch of his life. Bruised and bloodied, he managed to crawl to me and collapsed into a heap in my lap. He was done fighting. He was ready to surrender.
The second German Shepherd was wounded, but some healing had occurred. He was curious, wanted to come over, but he stayed about 20 feet away behind a partial section of fence. Occasionally, he would dart around the fence and over to me, but he would never come close enough for me to reach him. This second dog was barking and anxious the entire time.
A third German Shepherd was just visible beyond the last row of fences. I am not sure if he was wounded as well, but his behavior demonstrated that there was a high level of caution. He never approached, never barked, never moved, until he ran away, disappearing out of sight. I felt like the Holy Spirit was showing me a few descriptive representations of the people I would meet in ministry.
There will be people that resemble the first dog; bruised and beaten by the world and tired of fighting. These are the people ready to surrender to Jesus.
There will people that represented the second dog; people who had been hurt repeatedly, by both saints and sinners, and are wary of people. They still need people, but their scars lead them to believe otherwise. They are reluctant to trust anyone with their heart; desperate to hope again. Like the second dog, they pop in and out of your life unpredictably. Each time they get close they are guarded and highly verbal. The “barking” keeps everyone at bay. It’s a verbal “smoke screen”; a wall of self-protection around their heart. They are simultaneously afraid and angry, yet hopeful.
The third dog represents a greater majority of people. They are only comfortable watching from afar. Physical and emotional distance are their mode of operation. They rarely get close enough or comfortable enough to let anyone to see their wounds. They watch from a safe distance and eventually vanish from the landscape of your life.
Over the past few weeks a couple of these “dogs” have shown up around the Big Fish Ministry house. We were awakened at 344 am one morning, by frantic knocking at the front door a few weeks back. A guy I had talked with a few days prior had been beaten up pretty severely by his drunk boyfriend. We cried, prayed and talked until around 5 am. Two days later, he showed up in tears again, needing ministry. The Holy Spirit led me to wash his feet and anoint them with oil. We talked and prayed and chatted about his next few steps. I really felt he was ready to surrender to God. Then as quick as he showed up, he vanished. I’m realizing that this guy is a bit of a user, but I’m trying to maintain a minister’s heart. He only shows up as a last resort when he needs something. I am fearful for him. If his last encounter with the enemy didn’t serve as a wakeup call, I’m not sure what will. He was guarded and protective the entire time; willing to share his physical wounds, but ever protective of his emotional wounds.
Conversely, another guy I met with recently showed up and immediately began to share openly. A lunch meeting ran from 1 pm to 6:05 pm. The Holy Spirit was all over our conversation as we shared triumphs and defeats, but most of all, the power Jesus had demonstrated in our lives when we surrendered our whole heart to Him.
One of the toughest parts, yet often the most healing part of ministry is sharing the testimony of what Jesus did in my life. Every time someone enters and exits my life, I must constantly remind myself that it’s not me that people are raging against or rejecting, it’s Jesus; His sacrifice for their sin and His plan for their lives.
I don’t always love how people treat me, but I love to help people find Jesus in the midst of their turmoil. It’s never easy, but God has called me and equipped me to minister to the gay and ex-gay community, using my story of redemption. The past 16 years have been a constant series of choices to repeatedly surrender my broken, sexual desires to God. I have played the part of all three of the dogs in my dream, but my current role is as the man in the dream, prepared to minister to so many levels of brokenness. God has called me to be a minister with a heart and a passion modeled after Isaiah 61:1 “The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…” Father, I give all glory, honor and praise to You. (That’s Christian speak, for ‘God You have my whole heart’.) Father, I have given myself wholeheartedly in an open, honest and naked way to sexual partners in my former life. Thank you for helping me to lead a life, from here on out Father God, where I can present myself to You in the same way: open, honest and naked, wholeheartedly surrendered to You.
If you are reading this and you, too, are struggling with the shame and confusion of same sex attractions as I once did, make the choice today that brings you into the presence of Jesus. If homosexuality has left you hopeless, trust God with your heart, the same way you have trusted mere men with it in the past. Jesus is waiting to hear from you. As long as you have breath in your lungs it isn’t too late. No mistake is too big for God to redeem it.
Desperate Quest for Answers
The year was 1997. I had just started “dating” the second to the last guy I would ever date. I was working as an animal trainer in Gulfport, Mississippi. The guy’s name was Matt. I had been seeing him only a few weeks, but had already given away my heart and my body. I wanted desperately for him to come to see me perform in a dolphin show. He always refused the invite. I felt rejected. I persisted in asking. When I stopped begging, he finally showed up, but he attended each show with a calm disinterest. It was this behavior that drew me further into his world, seeking his approval. It was one of many mind games he would play. I had plenty of chances to leave him, but as horrible as he was, he was all I had. I look back now and wonder What The Helicopter was I thinking? The truth is, I was set up to fall prey to guys like Matt way back in my childhood. I was born a sensitive boy, with a distant dad, an abusive brother and a growing “natural” dislike for other guys. The chasm between myself and other boys further widened, because history would show me that men interactions with men were harsh and hurtful. As much as I "hated" men, I grew up with a deep longing to be one of them; a regular guy connecting with other guys on a deeper level. It was a simple, non-sexual desire to be with guys at first. That deep need to belong went unmet for years. Then a guy named Jamie took me to my first gay club.
Just like Alice, I stumbled hard and fast down the rabbit hole into a fabulous, new world. For the first time in my life I was meeting men I could identify with; men like me. My desperate need to be a part of the world of men veered off course that night. These new guys, looked and acted like regular guys, but they were a new breed of men altogether; showing interest in me, paying me compliments, listening and giving me the attention I desperately desired.
I grew up wandering around as an uninvited guest in the world of men, but these new guys welcomed me wholeheartedly. I found the attention enticing; gripping. During those first intoxicating moments I was enveloped by the social quicksand of the gay culture wouldn't see the light of day for 10 years. That night I was introduced to the savior I would serve religiously for the next ten years; the god of approval. Whoever listened, whoever stopped for more than a second look was rewarded with a piece of my soul. My deep seeded emotional need was met and it deafened me to the cacophonous cry of my wounded heart screaming over and over: “TURN BACK! TURN AROUND! DON’T DO THIS!” It was a track that would play repeatedly in the background of my life for the next ten years, but I became as adept at tuning it out as I did the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Years later, the Matt mentioned above, would come along and find me desperate again. I had worked tirelessly to suppress all things gay for months. I even dated a girl. The landscape of my life was devoid of even one connected male peer. The hungry false god of approval I had pledged my heart to so many years before cried out for a sacrifice. I was starved for attention. I was living my dream, but had no one to share it with. There was no one to come home to at a day’s end and worse yet, no one to simply say “good job”. I was terminally in desperate need of someone to convince me of my value, pay attention to me and give me worth. The trouble was that I rarely searched for these things in the presence of God, but instead mined endlessly in the exhausted quarries of the human genome.
I would later identify why guys like Matt had such a mesmerizing hold on me. My fractured relationships with my father and other men had forced me to wander the desert with other fractured men who had suffered the same fate. I was desperately searching for a man to affirm my masculinity; to approve of me as a man, but I was doing it in a world of broken men. I never received real affirmation of my masculinity from my real father and it left a deep, desperate longing in my heart to simply be loved and cherished by a man, a “father” if you will. I submitted myself to an endless parade of men over the years, hoping that just one might quell the torturous ache in my heart. No one ever did.
This entire blog came about, because of the following question I felt I heard from the Holy Spirit. “Do you share your testimony to lead people to worship and adore you?” or “Do you share your story of rapture from “no man’s” land to lead people to worship Jesus; in whose arms your search for value and affirmation ended?” Let the daily quest for all of our answers begin.
John 1:1 In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 2 He was in the beginning with God. 3 All things were made through Him, and without Him nothing was made that was made. 4 In Him was life, and the life was the light of men. 5 And the light shines in the darkness…
John 1:14 And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we beheld His glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father, full of grace and truth.
Sin Betrayed by a Heart Exposed
As I type the first few words of this blog I am running a race against a computer that has only 35% battery left. I left my cord at a friend’s house last weekend. 34% and I am powerless. Anyway. I was reading my morning devotion this morning, as I do 5 days out of 7 most weeks. I want to be more consistent with my devotion to God’s word; as consistent as I used to be with pornography and masturbation. I never used to miss a day of self-gratification. There never seemed to be a reason to miss it. After all, “it wasn’t hurting anyone right?” Well that is a blog for another day. Suffice to say that pornography and masturbation are a daily dose of gasoline that kept the dim, yet still active fire of homosexuality burning in my life. When I surrendered that to God, my temptations to look at gay porn and my need to find a man to fulfill me began to fade away. The knowledge and wisdom I gleaned from morning devotions today was so worth sharing. We have been reading a lot in Isaiah. And every day I have been depressed and a little saddened, because of my lack of understanding of the book. I’d pray every morning before we read and I would get little tidbits of wisdom here and there, but never any meat. I kept entertaining thoughts that I must just be out of touch with God. After all, I was reading the bible, as I was encouraging others to do and here I was, bankrupt. ARGHHHHH! Then today happened.
I was staring down the barrel of three chapters in Isaiah. I could feel the anxiety begin to rise, but we prayed as usual and I hoped for God to illuminate something for me. WOW! Let’s just say the brightness of the sun was a matchstick compared with what God showed me. Isaiah 58:9 Then you shall call, and the Lord will answer; You shall cry, and He will say, ‘Here I am.’ “If you take away the yoke from your midst, The pointing of the finger, and speaking wickedness, 10 If you extend your soul to the hungry And satisfy the afflicted soul, Then your light shall dawn in the darkness, And your darkness shall be as the noonday. 11 The Lord will guide you continually, And satisfy your soul in drought, And strengthen your bones; You shall be like a watered garden, And like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail.
Isaiah 58:13 “If you turn away your foot from the Sabbath, From doing your pleasure on My holy day, And call the Sabbath a delight, The holy day of the Lord honorable, And shall honor Him, not doing your own ways, Nor finding your own pleasure, Nor speaking your own words, 14 Then you shall delight yourself in the Lord; And I will cause you to ride on the high hills of the earth, And feed you with the heritage of Jacob your father. The mouth of the Lord has spoken.” What I got from these two verses was God’s response in times of obedience and walking according to his commandments. If you do these things God says, then I will do these things. I longed to honor God’s commandments in my life, because I know what life is like when I live according the gospel of Matthew Aaron Walker. I left my heart leap in my chest my friend when I read verse 11. The Lord will guide you continually, satisfy your soul in drought, strengthen your bones and that you shall be watered like a garden and like a spring of water, whose waters do not fail. I long for that kind of refreshing each and every day. We all wake each morning with a hunger and thirst of some sort, waiting to be quenched. I challenge you to see that hunger and thirst through the eyes of your spirit and not through the eyes of your flesh. One way will lead you to God and the other will lead you to man. One way will cause your hunger and thirst to deepen and lead you down a path of self-discovery. The other will satiate your needs, help you meet the needs of others and lead you on a journey of spiritual discovery.
I can do nothing without Jesus Christ in my life. I hated that statement when I was fighting to make a name for myself. I still fight against that statement at times, when I seek to find my value in the applause of man. At the end of the day, I know that there is no truer of a statement. The mercy of God in my opinion, is that the more I learn of His love and wisdom, the less he allows me to run in times of trouble. I struggle a great deal with self-confidence and situational depression. I stepped out into full time ministry over a year ago. It was amazing at first, when I had expendable cash. As my funds have depleted, it was slowly and painfully more evident what I had placed my trust in; funding, not the God who had called me into ministry. I have always suffered by repeating the pattern of falling back into pornography and masturbation when I think God has forgotten me, times get tough and my future is uncertain. All of a sudden I stop trusting the God who honored his promise just last week, I lose faith in the Holy Scriptures and I cry and whine as if my struggles are greater than the suffering of Jesus on the way to the cross. A few weeks later I will usually crawl back into the presence of God, apologize profusely and ask just what He was trying to teach me. It’s never what I ever expect.
The last few months have been filled with great turmoil for a guy in ministry such as myself. I had two major donors peace out, a go to donor peace out as well and two guys leave the residential program I run. That was like “superman leveling a building worthy ridiculousness” if you ask me. I felt like I had made a mistake in stepping out when I did. I felt betrayed by a bunch of people. And I started to have to use my credit cards to get by here and there. Not the picture perfect ideal way to start a World Changing Ministry right? Well. Once I had brewed myself a cup of “Shut the Heck up and Get back to Work” tea, the phone started ringing again. God started leading people to the ministry. And I started talking to God and confessing to my pastor and asking for help to make sure that I don’t fall prey to depression and self-pity. I also began to teach myself some pretty amazing things. No matter who shows up at my door or on the screen of my phone, I won’t compromise the things of God. I know that there are certain things are not optional for me anymore. Reading the bible daily is not an option. If my bible is not in my hand then my penis very well could be by the end of the day. It isn’t optional to talk to God for me. If I am not keeping company with God, I will be conversing with the temptations in my head and conjecturing as to the best way to fulfill them by nightfall. No matter how dark, how depressing or hopeless the day seems.
I have to tell myself when I’m struggling with emotional issues that homosexuality, sex and porn and masturbation are no longer options for dealing with my problems. I haven’t physically slept with anyone in over 15 years, but the word of God says in Matthew 5:28 “…I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” For those of us who struggle with homosexuality, we can interchange “woman” with “man”. My particular sin was especially humbling, because the subject of my lust was a man. And through the medium of pornography, I had been living out what scripture calls “sexual relationships” with other guys even during the time I was celebrating my walk out of homosexuality. Do you see your battle of pornography and masturbation in the same way that God does? There is hope for you my brother. It’s a tough pill to swallow for anyone, but I had to be real, open and honest with myself, because I wanted a deep, long lasting, spiritual change at all costs, not just a change perceptible to those around me. I also wanted God to show me the reason I still clung to the selfish and immature act of self-gratification. God is patient and merciful to show us the righteous path.
That is where the constant surrender of my sexuality to God came into play. There were months even years that I enjoyed freedom from the bondage of pornography and masturbation. Those were months of consistent relationship with God and not so much striving to get it right on my own. This fight to stay clean in a dirty world used to be confined to the public sector, but I find that now, even in my church circles, gay Christian influences are gaining ground. It’s tough enough to fight a battle on the street, but when church ceases to be a place of safety, I feel my resolve weaken. I know this was a bit of a ramble my friends. I am encouraging each of you who feels like giving up to hang on. Trust that God has a plan for you. Read His word daily. Replace the sinful habits that are tearing you down with spiritual habits that allow God to build you up. And last of all, surrender each and every relationship to God for his approval or disapproval. Bad company corrupts good character.
I will close with the first few verses of Psalm 103. 1 Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! 2 Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: 3 Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, 4 Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with loving-kindness and tender mercies, 5 Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.
One Amazing Week...
This has been an amazing week for ministry. I had a long lunch with a college psychology professor from a local college. She heard about my testimony from a mutual friend and wanted to pick my brain. She teaches a class on Developmental Psych and has invited me to share about the development of homosexuality and sexual brokenness in my life. Door number one God.
Two days later I connected with a Christian counselor who is counseling a girl with a lesbian struggle. For some amazing reason, throughout the conversation, I caught myself referencing key, spiritual pieces of advice that my father had given me. It moved me to tears. This was evidence of healing in my heart and a cleansing of a mind that had been poisoned to all things Jack Walker. I never dreamed, hoped or even wanted to reference my relationship with my father, let alone pass on his advice, when I was a young man. In my most rebellious days when I was trying to put God far out of my mind, the mere mention of my father was the last thing on my list. Praise God that much of the advice my dad was giving out was permeatin’ my thick skull.
I had conversations with two other guys who are struggling with gay desires as well. These guys are both at different, but elementary, stages of walking away from homosexuality.
Through every conversation, I got a reassurance from the Holy Spirit of how homosexual desires form in so many people’s lives. Every story, every confession further destroys the lie that anyone is born gay. satan, the enemy of our souls, has no new tricks. He uses the same, old tired story to convince boys who are born artistic, sensitive and creative that they were born gay. I am so thankful that the truth of God’s word and the evidence of my own broken life bore witness to the fact that my same sex attractions developed over time, instead of simply being an integral part of my DNA. Of course, everyone’s DNA is tainted with sin. Always will be as long as we are born on this earth.
The toughest part of my week was over in a few minutes, but left me with a bitter taste in my mouth. I was preached to and patronized by a well meaning, yet pushy Christian, that reminded me of why I wasn’t very receptive to the message of the gospel for so long. They may have been bringing me water in the desert, but their methods were about as efficient as using a meat grinder to polish a diamond, tennis bracelet. He came at me, snarly and preachy and I responded the same way I used to respond to Christians before who had “my best interest” at heart. Isn’t that just like the enemy to find a weak spot and exploit it with a fellow Christian in the fight.
My frown got turned upside down at some point in the fray when I was interviewed by two, German film students for research they are doing for a film they are co-directing about the Ex-gay movement. They informed me that it was birthed in the United States, a fact I feel like I should have known. It was a little rough at times. I am pretty sure the two weren’t Christians and the girl seemed to be listening, but waiting for a small, bit of exposed throat so she could go in for the kill. I stayed true to myself and the mission God has given me though. The interview took a bit of a strange turn when I told her that my time in the gay world had been amazing. At that point her mouth dropped open and her face contorted in disbelief, similar to the way a person’s face looks when they are about to pass a kidney stone. I spent a few moments explaining my statement to her. I didn’t want her to take that statement and build a case off of it. In the end, she and her silent partner Jakub thanked me for being personal and informative; a little less polished and coiffed like the sound bites in the suits she had talked to before.
All in all it was one amazing week. God chose to daily wake me up with revelation or a wave of emotion that can best be described as the Holy Spirit chills. I don’t want to be that Christian who tells people what they should believe. I don’t want to give the gay community any more reason than they already have to separate from society and form safe havens of their own. I do want to lovingly be a voice of the truth as long as I am alive. I want to answer questions honestly and be a gentle spirit to those in need. God give me strength and wisdom to do exactly that. And give the men and women who need to hear a message of salvation a heart to hear of the same Jesus that set me free so many years ago and continues to set me free on a daily, if not minute by minute basis. Thanks to both of my Dads for the way my life has turned out.
His Royal Highness Speaks
Burger King recently entered the race for LGBT cash flow with the introduction of the "Proud Whopper" and a somewhat modified, if not confusing slogan. The burger was welcomed with much LGBT fanfare and on the street interviews of "random" folks. The news media wanted to know what people thought of Burger King's newest/oldest sandwich. I saw a few interviews of people who absolutely loved it and thought it was amazing. Then there was one poor guy who was simply stating that he thought it wasn't a good thing, because of his religious beliefs. Suddenly the burger became less of the attraction while the ever so "tolerant" masses of the gay community, vilified the gentleman for having an opinion that was different than theirs. (Anyone else starting to notice that the “Tolerance” and “No Hate” is always what the gay community preaches, but seldom what they practice?)
Never been a Burger King fan myself. My fast food burger of choice was always McDonald's. When I saw that Burger King had decided to sell a burger wrapped in a rainbow flag, I wasn't phased. They can paint themselves as altruistic as they want to be, but at the end of the day, it's simply another ploy by another corporation to gain a little more of the cash flow from the media's, favorite flavor of the month, the LGBT community. We’ve grown to expect LGBT themed products from any company that sees green when everyone else is seeing a rainbow. If all things LGBT weren't the “cash cow” that they are, they'd be lucky to get an honorable mention on a disposable napkin from our Royal Highness of Beefdom. When was the last time you saw an advertisement for 'Compassion International' or 'Feed the Children' on a Fast Food anything?
The surprise to some was that this "new" whopper was not in fact new. It was the same tired old sandwich that has been going against the Quarter Pounder for years. You might not have known that until you opened up the wrapper and found the following feel good slogan emblazoned across a makeshift rainbow flag; "We Are All The Same Inside". It was a slogan of biblical proportions. This is a true statement my friend. We are all the same inside, because everyone of us is born into sin. Romans 3:23 Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God…” Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
Now I am not blind. I know that BK wasn't using their wrapper to promote a thinly veiled message of the gospel. Just like the LGBT community has maligned the Rainbow, these words have also been twisted to preach tolerance and acceptance of sin. As inclusive as the message of “We are all the same inside” sounds, it doesn’t bear weight. If it is true, then Christ died for no reason at all and sin is inconsequential. Matthew 7:15-16 says “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. 16 You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? 17 Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 18 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Therefore by their fruits you will know them.”
There are those who have accepted Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior and are living a life accordingly. The evidence of Jesus in their life is the good fruit that we can all see. Then there are those people who simply refuse to acknowledge God at all. Still yet, there are those who live spiritual lives, according to select Holy Scriptures and serve a “Jesus” that looks very different than the one of the Bible. These three are similar in that they all need Jesus, but they look very different on the inside. Matthew 7:21 addresses the folks who say that we are all the same on the inside directly. “Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.’
Accompanying the Proud Whopper is a new slogan as well, “Be Your Way.” John Crudele of the New York Post captures my thoughts best. John has this to say, “I’d still like to know what “Be Your Way” has to do with selling cooked meat. In fact, I’d like to know what “Be Your Way” has to do with anything.” I would like to know, too, John, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it is simply another way for ole BK to align themselves further with a world steeped in sin. “Be Your Way”, besides sounding ridiculous, flies in the face of how Jesus tells us to live our lives. Matthew 16:24 “…Jesus said to his disciples, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. “ That’s the antithesis of “Be Your Way”.
That nagging feeling you get when you break free from the path that God has designed for you, is the gentle conviction of the Holy Spirit. If you have never asked Jesus to be your savior or you are a gay man who started a journey out of homosexuality only to be seduced back into a life of sin by the false doctrine of Gay Christianity, God is ready and waiting for you. God loves you, but without the spirit of the Living God living in your heart, you are destined spend eternity separated from God. The overriding influence in your life should be JESUS, not LGBT. Turn from your sin, pursue God with your whole heart and the change that I myself have experienced, will come.
A Christian, a transgender and a redneck walk into a church.
Over the past few years the influence of the Gay Chrisitian Network (GCN) has become quite prolific, in our culture and in the church. You might be asking, “What is the Gay Chrisitian Network (GCN)?”
Here is a description of the GCN from their website-
“Founded in 2001, the Gay Christian Network (GCN) is a nonprofit Christian ministry dedicated to building bridges and offering support for those caught in the crossfire of one of today’s most divisive culture wars.
Our membership includes both those on Side A (supporting same-sex marriage and relationships) and on Side B (promoting celibacy for Christians with same-sex attractions). What began as an organization to provide support to LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender)...”
We live in a culture of convenience. We have reinterpreted the old saying, “Don’t take no for an answer”. No one is going to deny us what we want. We thumb our noses at God when it comes to the our Christian lives, but often in the most “polite” ways. We expect everything and everyone, including God, to realize the world revolves around us. I say, you can put lipstick on a Pig or Frosting on a turd, but all you have is a Pig with lipstick on it and…you get the picture. God isn’t having it. A life in Christ, is a life of submission to his will, not His to ours.
I was a gay “Christian” when being a gay “Christian” wasn’t cool. Let me explain why I became a gay “Chrisitian”. After I came out, the first guy that God brought my way was a Canadian, Baptist minister’s son. Yes, I said “God brought my way.” Hold up, put down your torches and pitchforks, LISTEN. On our first date, he told me that he grew up Christian, but early on he knew that he was gay. He told me that he knew he couldn’t be both and that homosexuality wasn’t a choice, and Christianity was, so he chose gay. It was 1993. I wasn’t living for God, but I heard the Holy Spirit, plain as day tell me “You can’t make that same choice.” Hear this my friends; I was a gay man, on a date with a guy and the Holy Spirit still spoke to me. God has never told anyone that it’s okay to be gay, but he has always and will always perform rescue missions to men and women trapped in the gay life. God still speaks wisdom to the lost, the found, gay, straight, transgendered and rednecks.
Gay “Christianity” was my attempt to make sense of my same sex attractions and my Christian walk. I would never stop being a Christian, but I didn’t know how to stop being gay. I got it way wrong for way too long. However, God used the “tiny window” I gave Him and my Christian upbringing, to allow Jesus Christ to build a kingdom in my heart. That led me out of gay “Christianity” and into true and authentic, biblical fellowship with Jesus. As a gay “Christian” Jesus was a protective accessory I “wore” to keep the bible thumpers at bay. As a Christian, Jesus became something real; my friend, and savior. He was living inside my heart, not serving as a superficial adornment.
Thank God I didn’t have more intelligence than sense. That would have led me down a path of reinterpreting scriptures to rationalize my sin, rather than leading me to place my sin under the authority of scripture. Ephesians 6:12 says, “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Justin Lee and gay “Christians” aren’t the enemy. They are simply hurting people who have have found ways not to hurt anymore.
I share the following links to help bring awareness to the battle that is going on behind the scenes. Satan uses people, places and things to do his work. He always has a substitute for God’s plan. I am disheartened by the seductive and cunning teachings of the GCN. Many friends have succumbed to its deception. The links lead to two essays on the GCN webpage that reinterpret scripture to condone and normalize homosexuality.
Isaiah 55:11 says, “so is my word that goes out from my mouth: It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” My friend Sy Rogers has called the gay Church, “the church of the revolving door”. Many people go in, some meet Jesus, then they leave the church. I place hope in this scripture and that statement.
I found a wonderful piece on reinterpreting scripture on the “Let Us Reason Ministry” website.
Let Us Reason Ministry- http://www.letusreason.org/Biblexp117.htm
Here it is: “Deuteronomy 4:2 “You shall not add to the word which I command you, nor take anything from it”
Deuteronomy 12:32 “See that you do all I command you; do not add to it or take away from it.”
“Do not add to his words, or he will rebuke you and prove you a liar.” Proverbs 30:6
In our day there is the belief in “progressive revelation” that originates from outside the Word. What right does anyone have to teach what is not in Scripture as if it is Scripture? False teachers do not want to submit to its original intent, so they do not seek what Scripture actually (exegesis) means, instead, they conform it to what they want it to mean (isogesis). They will look to another source as their authority because they are not under God’s authority. This is why Paul admonishes us in 1 Corinthians 4:6: “not to think beyond what is written” (exceed or go past).
The reason God is so adamant on this is because “The entirety of Your word is truth” Psalms 119: 160.
Proverbs 30:5 “Every word of God is pure; he is a shield to those who put their trust in Him.”
If we look at the context it [is] saying “Every word of God.” God is stating for MAN not to add to his words. Adding does not only mean additional words, but can also mean changing them to mean what they do not. When you add new words as equal to Scripture you are really taking away from Scripture.” The end.
Well said. In 1998, Jesus Christ delivered me from the amorphous, false religion of gay “Christianity”. The Holy Spirit showed me that it was His job, not mine, to interpret scripture. My only job was to willingly and consistently, surrender my will to God’s authority.
Chances are, if the gospel you are patterning your life after is not challenging you to move, change and grow, then it is probably not “The Gospel” at all. May God richly bless you on your journey out of homosexuality or the sin that holds you fast. May you accept the sacrifice of Jesus Christ as payment for and deliverance from your sin. May the Holy Spirit be the only one you let interpret scripture. This is the hardest fight of my life, but I must deny myself daily and take up my cross and follow Christ. The world is pushing you to hit the “Like” button on their sin. Refuse to listen to any voice, except the Voice of the Father.
By sharing the first link, I invite you to see how “correct” the GCN statement of faith appears. It looks good on paper, but if they truly “affirm that the Bible is Holy Scripture, divinely inspired and authoritative, and not merely a human work.” then how can they endorse any aspect of sexual sin? -- https://www.gaychristian.net/statementoffaith.php
The following link will lead you to a set of essays written about two sides of Gay Christianity. They are long, but I believe we all have a “horse in this race”. We owe it to the deceived to read and gain an understanding of what we are up against. Satan has studied every aspect of truth and teaching that the Ex-gay and Christian community has in regards to the roots and causes of homosexuality. he has covered all of his bases and he has an excellent PR team. (And according to their website, he is still hiring.) You owe it to yourself to spend some time understanding your adversary. 1 Peter 5:8 says it simply. “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.”
The Essays: Two sides of the gay “Christian” debate- https://www.gaychristian.net/greatdebate.php
My Father: Hero. Visionary. Gateway to Heaven
I stumbled upon a story about a Southern Baptist Pastor who changed his views on homosexuality. The title said that he changed his views on homosexuality, because his son came out, but when you read the article this wasn't the case. What? The Huffington Post printed something deceptive and incorrect? NEVER! More like ALWAYS. Anyway, here is an excerpt from a letter that the Pastor wrote that was included in the article, which can be found by visiting the following link.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/06/02/baptist-church-pastor-gay-son_n_5432880.html?utm_hp_ref=tw
"...I recently became gay affirming after a 15-year journey of having multiple people in my congregation come out to me every year. I scoured through your whole website and read everything I could. And it was especially the testimony of my gay friends that helped me to see how they have been marginalized that my eyes became open to the injustice that the church has wrought."
My heart sank twice while reading just that small portion of his letter. You see, 15 or so years ago I walked away from homosexuality. I walked away, because I had a father that never gave up on me. He never stopped praying. He never stopped believing. He never stopped loving me. He also never let his love for me cloud his vision of the truth that is written in God's word. I thank God that my father never accepted my declaration that I was gay. I thank God that instead of compromising the truth of God's word, he proclaimed that truth over me. In my opinion this father has shirked his responsibility to lead and guide his son. I see it as one more person who has exchanged the truth of God for a lie. My father was able to balance his love for me and the truth of the gospel in his relationship with me. If my father had not led the way in truth, but rather agreed with me in my sin, then my life would be dramatically different.
I one hundred and fifty percent agree that the gay community has been marginalized by the church. I was among the marginalized. I agree that the church needs to be a place where the LGBT community can come and hear the truth about Jesus without the fear of condemnation. But the way to right the wrongs of the past is to ask for forgiveness and a retelling of the truth, not to go overboard and change scripture to sweeten the apology. The truth is that some churches and some pastors have marginalized many different people groups at one point or another. Does that suddenly mean that adultery is okay, that gossip is just a great way to communicate and drug and alcohol abuse are simply a great way to unwind after a tough day at the office. No. The word of God is pretty clear on setting aside certain behaviors as sin and certain behaviors as acceptable. The greatest demise that satan has ever crafted is working to normalize homosexuality and set it apart from other sins in the bible.
God is not the one Who changed His mind about homosexuality. It’s the world that changed God’s word about homosexuality.
I am reminded of scriptures. "But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God's curse! Galatians 1:8" and "If anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters--yes, even their own life--such a person cannot be my disciple. Luke 14:26. I think it is great to extend compassion and love to the LGBT community, but declassifying homosexuality as sin only serves to lead them further down the path of destruction. I thank God that my father did not make a decision like this pastor.
The way I minister to the gay community has changed over the years. I have softened a little on my approach, but I have not compromised the truth of the gospel that led me to repentance and ultimately into the healing presence of God. I have not doubt that this man is deceived. I have no doubt that his church will self-destruct as they veer off the path of truth. We often do a lot when we take our eyes off of God and focus them on human emotion and turmoil. We are given the example of Peter as he walked on the water towards Christ. While his focus was on the master he stayed above the turmoil of the waves. When he focused elsewhere, he sank into the tumultuous Ocean.
If you are a pastor reading this post, please hear about my 15 year journey that turned out very different than the pastor above. I have not been the perfect Christian these past 15 years, but God has been the perfect God. Not every person I have ministered to or shared my story of freedom from homosexuality has said Yes to God. That has not diminished the truth of the word, the triumph of Christ or the fact that God called me out of homosexuality. It has also not changed the message of the gospel, because that gospel has the power to change my heart, my direction and save my life from sin of all kinds. God called me out of homosexuality to call others out, not to hold them in a deceptive embrace while simultaneously helping them dig their own grave.